I ACTUALLY GOT WRITING DONE. ON LIGHTS. IT'S BEEN MONTHS. I FINISHED EDITING CHAPTER FIVE AND TOMORROW I'M SENDING IT TO BETA AND AHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm actually feeling The Star Wars Vibe right now, and I actually want to catch up on Rebels and finish this damn story and WHAT IS THIS. GOD. My body is READY. I mean. I'm still feeling awful mentally (for Discourse Reasons) and tired all the time (for No Reason) but still. This is good. Caring about SW is good.
I also... I dunno, man. My mom got back from Seattle, Zoe came over and we talked about discourse and shipping and sexuality and all kinds of fun stuff, and I made brownie batter and also an undercooked egg/pepper/onions/bacon/cheese thing, and facetimed with my dad, and not much else.
A Day Where I Did Nothing And Was Exhausted Anyway, basically. I watched AotC, so I'm not caught up on the SW rewatch but I'm... closer... I have two TCW episodes and the CW movie tomorrow now. At least the movie is pretty short, iirc -- 90 minutes or so? And I don't think it's as torturous to watch as AotC was. I'm still cringing over most of it. Though I went and looked for the deleted scenes after I finished it and that was pretty cool. Also watched a couple of Young Justice episodes -- yeah, I could have watched TCW there, but I needed something non SW as a palate cleanser after the disaster that is AotC. I mean, okay, I do like some of it -- Jedi, mostly, i just love Jedi that is all -- but damn. It was harder to watch than TPM and I honestly think it rates lower on my personal movie preference order. Which is 5, 3, 4, 6, 1, 2 now, I guess.
Also made fudge, which may have been a disaster but I haven't eaten any yet -- it's setting -- so we'll see. Managed to actually make a decent breakfast, too -- an eggs-and-hashbrown-and-peppers-and-
I'm also reading more of Dark Force Rising, finally! I got to about halfway through, which is even more exciting than it sounds because the last book in the series had about 150 pages of previews, so I think I'm pretty close to the end. Leia and Chewie might be escaping weird-planet soon, Mara just saved Luke from that Jedi master dude who is really not a Jedi master in the slightest in order to save her sort-of boss dude and now they're stuck on Thrawn's ship, and who the hell even knows what Han and Lando are doing... something. I can't remember it. Also I spent the last half hour trying to find somewhere to download Red Hood and the Outlaws and I had to stop because I think I almost gave my computer a virus. SKETCHY WEBSITES ARE SO ANNOYING.
Janna's kids had to go home to... wherever they're living now... I think it's Calgary. So they left and it was very quiet. I think Janna may be back at some point before my parents get home, but I don't know.
Overall kind of a tiring day. I washed my hair after about a week and it felt really good, even if I did it in the evening, and did some other small stuff like dishes, but I still haven't looked at schoolwork. It's bad, it's really bad, I can't afford this kind of procrastination, but I just can't make myself do it. And I need to email my teacher about taking a semester off, and I need to write more, I just... can't. Also ordered pizza for dinner. Which was slightly stressful. The delivery guy called me ma'am about ten times in the thirty seconds he was there and didn't ask me if I wanted change even though I gave him four dollars extra -- I mean, I was planning on tipping anyway, but he didn't ask. Granted, he probably just wanted to get away from my dog, since she was barking her head off, but it was still weird.
I'm getting ready for the great SW rewatch/reread, which I didn't create but I will probably be doing. I copied the list into a Word doc and I'm going to edit it a bit before printing it out -- adding more time for the YA books, etc. I'm a little worried about getting the books in time, because my library only lets you take out books for six weeks max with massive overdue fines now, but I can figure it out, and maybe just buy the ebooks if I'm desperate. I'm hoping I'll get more into SW again and find my writing spark and maybe, just maybe, not be stressed all the time, but that's probably a lot to ask.
And I reread My Sister's Keeper. Well, skimmed it. And read more of Carry On. Which is sort of a victory, but not enough of one. And Avalon was supposed to come and stay the night, but it's 1am, so I think she's not coming. Which means I can take my parent's bed, and I am glad of that, so.
Chapter 2: Returns
11k, Chapter 2/10, WIP, AU, mostly Gen with Obidala, eventual Obianidala, and other side pairings
Obi-Wan knew that if he didn’t leave now, Padmé would die.
And so he made his decision.
Obi-Wan closed his eyes. He understood — Force, he understood more than he wanted to, but — “Why, Luminara? Why are you looking for her? She’s a loose cannon — she’s dangerous.”
“I know — believe me, I know.” Her voice was raw, and she radiated pain in the Force. Obi-Wan knew, more intimately than he would have liked, how she felt. An apprentice going to the dark side was the worst kind of agony, in many ways. “But I had a vision in the Force,” Luminara continued. “She was here, hiding on Umbara. The vision seemed urgent — it needed me here. I left Kashyyyk in the middle of a battle and came here with a small guard, just to look — and then Order 66 happened. I had to kill my troopers — my men, my trusted soldiers — when they tried to kill me, but I survived. I think it was supposed to happen. The Force willed it.”
Obi-Wan couldn’t argue with that. He’d wondered, after leaving Utapau, whether the Force had willed his survival, or if it was just a sick coincidence. He had no way of knowing whether his survival had come down to luck or the Force. But Luminara had had a vision — the Force had screamed in her mind to leave her men behind and her post behind. While the Force worked in ways that no being, even the Jedi — try as they might — could understand, the message seemed clear enough. The Force had wanted her to live.
Chapter 1: Knightfall
6k, Chapter 1/10, WIP, AU, mostly Gen with Obidala, eventual Obianidala, and other side pairings
Obi-Wan knew that if he didn’t leave now, Padmé would die.
And so he made his decision.
“Survive this, she may not,” said Yoda quietly. “Visions, your former padawan had. Her death, they predicted.”
“I won’t let that happen,” said Obi-Wan. And he wouldn’t. He owed that to Anakin — his apprentice, the man who was now dead.
Yoda looked up at him, eyes far too old, even for him. “Try, you will. Succeed, you may not.”
Obi-Wan looked away and back at Padmé. She wasn’t crying anymore, but pain radiated off of her in the Force. “She will live,” he said, because she had to. If she didn’t, he had nothing left. After Qui-Gon, and Ahsoka, and Anakin. After all the friends he’d lost during the war. He only had Padmé.
He wasn’t going to lose her too.
Okay, I kept saying I would make this, and now I will! This is just what I personally think is likely, but I obviously don't know for sure and we don't have all the information yet. Just guessing, basically. There will be two sections for each: what I think is likely and what I really, desperately want. There might be a pattern there.
Rogue One Predictions:
- Jyn and Cassian will be romantically involved because you can't have an action movie without at least one Straight Kiss™, right?
- When Vader shows up, it will be near the end, similar to in Twilight of the Apprentice, though in this case, he'll basically kill everyone.
- Someone in the rebellion will mention a recent incident on a specific planet that cost them one of their best cells. See the Rebels predictions for more detail.
- At least one main character will die. I'm torn on whether they'd be willing to kill Jyn, but maybe Cassian or Saw Gerrera. I'm pretty sure that the main cast won't all make it out alive, though.
Rogue One Hopes:
- Ahsoka cameo. Yes, I know it's not going to happen. I still want it desperately.
- Rex cameo. Slightly more likely, even if it's not going to happen!
- Background same-gender relationship, even if it's not important to the plot.
- More aliens than we've seen so far in the promo pictures and trailers. Like seriously, where are they? This is Star Wars. The GFFA is not entirely human.
Episode VIII Predictions:
- So I actually have a slightly detailed prediction for this! Okay, I think the movie will follow around three/four different plotlines for the first half of the movie. Rey and Luke, Kylo and Snoke, Leia + Poe + maybe Finn + the Rebellion, and possibly a political plotline -- though Leia might be involved in that as well. Around halfway through, something relevant will happen that means that the plotlines need to converge for the grand finale. Rey's -- and Kylo's, somewhat -- training will be cut a bit short, but months will still have passed, probably.
- Kylo will struggle with the light throughout the movie, and near the end, he'll leave his training and Snoke behind. In Ep IX, he'll show up at the eleventh hour and help to Save The Day. Basically, he'll be a Gray Jedi.
- Rey will struggle with the dark, but not go too far -- possibly becoming something of a Gray Jedi. Or not. I don't know for sure.
Episode VIII Hopes:
- Stormpilot. If not that, Poe confirmed to be gay.
- Rey Solo. If not, I don't know, that's the theory I most believe in. I just really want Rey to get to tell Kylo that they're related, turning around the classic twist from ESB. Maybe that could be his trigger to go rogue and become a Gray Jedi -- questioning everything that made him turn dark in the first place.
- Leia actually getting to lead the Resistance and be a badass. Like, come on, TFA didn't do well with that, it's Time.
- Ahsoka cameo. If not, at least one background togruta. Or twi'lek. Or literally any pre-established GFFA species.
Star Wars Rebels Predictions:
- Season 3 will deal a lot with Ezra being drawn to the darkside.
- The character redesigns will age them all a little -- mostly Ezra and Sabine, obviously, but they'll all look a little more professional. Hera's outfit will be reminiscent of the classic X-Wing pilot uniforms from the originals, Kanan might look a bit more Jedi, Ezra might get a haircut, Sabine's hair and armor will change again.
- Personally, I think Sabine's armour will be teal and her hair will be a completely different color. Like how her hair had amber highlights in S1 and then in S2 her armor was orange and her hair was different.
- Ezra's crush on Sabine being pretty much non-existent at this point -- they're just really good friends.
- More characters from TCW!
- Another Leia episode!
- More rebel cells! More of the rebellion in general.
- Okay, here's the really depressing prediction that I touched on in the Rogue One section -- and I know other people have thought of it, it's not an original thought. The Ghosts will all die at the end of the series. I think that Rogue One could foreshadow this, and the planet named could be the planet on which they meet their end. I think that either all of them will die or maybe Ezra will survive alone, and channel Yoda and go to live alone on a non-settled planet. Basically, they can't possibly be around in the rebellion once Luke joins -- he would have known that other Jedi existed. It's possible that they leave the rebellion at some point, but it doesn't exactly seem likely. And I think this will be a few seasons down the road -- not season 3 or 4. 5, 6, or even 7, maybe.
Star Wars Rebels Hopes:
- Background same-gender relationship.
- Sabine casually mentioning an ex-girlfriend
- Ahsoka showing up at the end of S3 and SAVING EVERYBODY. Yeah, this is the pattern in what I hope for. Sorry, I'm just an Ahsoka stan and miss her all the time.
- Speaking of more TCW characters, maybe Barriss? Since I don't think she's dead. It would be nice to see her reaction to Ahsoka's "death".
Okay, that's... basically it? I think. I was literally eating watermelon and drinking a piña colada smoothie the whole time while I wrote this, honestly.
I should be making my daily life update post but this idea is wriggling in the back of my mind and won't let me go, so: Jedi Order headcanons. Applies to mostly before the war. Will probably be edited later on to add more.
- The Order as seen in the Prequels doesn't really show the Order at its best; with no wars and no real struggles, they've stagnated and gotten more rigid. A few hundred years ago, a lot of things were wildly different. (Bear in mind: at this moment, I haven't read anything from the KOTOR era)
- The Jedi's records are meticulous, and include files on the Jedi themselves. Every Jedi for millennia have had their entire lives documented. Ever Jedi who grows up in the Order -- *cough* so every Jedi except Anakin, basically -- has to do a report on a Jedi who died at least fifty years before they were born, the report -- written or oral -- covering that Jedi's entire life. They can choose the best-known Jedi, of course, but they're encouraged to choose differently -- perhaps one from their own species if their species is less common, or one who shares their initials, or just one at random.
- Most younglings visit their homeworld at some point before becoming a padawan. Usually around the age of eight or nine. The youngling cohorts go on a road trip, and it's meant to be a journey of self-discovery for each of them.
- Jedi are encouraged to learn about their original culture -- of their species, homeworld, or both -- and incorporate it into their lives along with the culture of the Jedi. That's why you get such vast variations in uniform -- many are choosing something native to their homeworld.
- Most Jedi have casual sex. There are very few who haven't, and even fewer who are deliberately celibate. A few don't for various practical reasons -- no one of their species or near their species in the Order and near them in age, a quirk of their own species -- and some simply choose to be celibate in dedication to the Force. Most Jedi, however, don't see it as an issue, since sex and attachment aren't the same thing.
- Most Jedi have no problems with being close, physically and spiritually, to other Jedi -- meditating, hanging out, etc. It comes from being close to other Jedi as younglings, and a lot of Jedi -- um, Anakin being an exception, once again -- are more comfortable with other Jedi than alone. It's not uncommon for Jedi in the field to stay very close together (not padawans and masters, older Jedi on missions) and often sleep in the same bed if they're close enough, simply for comfort in the Force.
- Meditating is steeped in tradition and most Jedi find it more comfortable than breathing. Younglings are taught to meditate with spoken, guided meditations, and while all padawans and above can do it silently, many Jedi enjoy guided meditations for a change of pace. Some Jedi take it upon themselves to memorize meditations; records going back hundreds of years can be found and many have been in use for thousands of years.
This is very prequels/TCW oriented, I realize. I've split it into Lightsverse and not Lightsverse. Some of these have already been talked about, some parts of this list have already been posted.Other ideas — Lights:
- Vader almost captures Ahsoka oneshot, mirrors Jedi Who Knew scene (I want her alive!). 4-5k.
- Leia and Luke go on an interplanetary road trip and meet Han on Corellia. Space pirates? Mostly fun, projected: 10k
- Dark!Leia: AU where Luke dies, Leia goes dark and becomes Maul’s Sith apprentice. Plot? Maybe. If so, 35-40k, if not 10-15k.
- Various slices of life in the missing fifteen years — mostly Obidala, maybe a few sad Vader scenes
- Unspoken — non-canon ship, Obi-Wan/Luminara maybe?
- Under the Surface — Rexsoka oneshot
- Something more with the Barrissoka snippet
- Cute Luke/Ezra oneshot
- Obikin w/ Lady!Obi-Wan
- TFA mirrorverse-ish — Rey Solo, Rey & Ben role reversal, Finnrey — maybe JSP?
- That one where Ahsoka really did bomb the Jedi temple, along with Barriss, and they become Sith girlfriends and terrorize the galaxy together
- Space Disneyland mission fic — idk who yet
- ETA: May 29th (2am): Modern Obianidala AU -- Senator Padmé, Military Obi-Wan and Anakin (Generals) and Ahsoka (Anakin's foster sister who also joined the military because of him)
So this is the post I mentioned yesterday! I'm just thinking a lot about it lately, so.
When I first found fandoms, I was about 13. It was probably around the beginning of eighth grade, or the end of seventh. My friend got a facebook account -- okay, wait, I need to figure out the math here. Actual, no, I'm just going to stand by my first guess. Anyway, at some point she liked some Harry Potter FB pages and shared pictures -- usually screenshots from tumblr -- and I started doing that too, because before that, I didn't even know that fandom existed. I eventually found my way into Doctor Who, the main five book fandoms (HP, TMI, Divergent, PJO, and -- fuck, what else was it???? Right, THG) and that was how I was introduced into fandom.
So I shared things. On my public FB. Where I was friends with everyone from school (I think I'd finished seventh grade, so I wasn't in school anymore, but still) and my older relatives and stuff. Basically my friend and I would share things and like each other's posts. I also somehow managed to spend all my time online even though that was the only thing I did, and I could do everything in 40 minutes if needed. But then I got tumblr.
I still have tumblr. I've used nearly every day since the day I got it -- on February 7th, 2014. I've taken some time off for vacations and stuff, but otherwise, it's what I do. And I'm very attached to it. And it's part of the biggest thing I'm ashamed of, which is fandoms.
Here's the thing about being a fangirl (a word I almost never use anymore because, shame!) -- for the most part, no one else is going to care as much as you do. No one else is going to care about fictional worlds or characters the same way. Other fans, of course, but family and friends? Nope. I didn't understand that at first. I shared things onto my public facebook, and talked about fandoms with my family, and they didn't care.
I get it. I do. I see media differently than they do. But it hurts. Because eventually, they stopped pretending to care. They showed their indifference. And it feels like a knife to the heart every fucking time, because these are the things I care the most about. These are my life -- fandoms are the only thing that's keeping me alive, some days. And no one else gets that.
And at this point, I expect to be laughed at or shown indifference. I change windows if I'm watching something and someone comes into the room. I almost never watch TV on the actual TV. I hide book covers if I think they look weird or embarrassing, because I assume I'll be judged on them. I don't look at fandom things in public. I have some fandom shirts, and I love them, but I wouldn't wear them in public in a million years.
The thing is, my family doesn't understand that I constantly think about these things. That I want to talk about them 24/7, but I don't have anyone to talk to. For Star Wars, especially -- the friend who I mostly talk about fandom stuff with hasn't seen the films and definitely isn't going to watch TCW or Rebels. And I constantly want to talk about it, but while my family members have seen the movies, they don't care about them. I get it, of course, but -- god, I just wish I could talk to someone about fandoms. I wish it wasn't seen as weird to obsess over fictional characters and universes when grown men do the same thing with sports teams and it's seen as perfectly acceptable. I wish that the only geeks media ever shows are straight white men who use reddit and equivalent sites, whose main goal in fandom is to understand it, and not change it. (I saw a post about that not too long ago -- transformative fandom vs curative fandom -- but I can't find it, so.) I wish that I didn't have to be ashamed of liking SW -- especially considering how new I am to the fandom, and how certain I am that even if I find some I know IRL who likes it, they won't be into the same parts of it that I am.
This... well, I spent about forty minutes looking for that post, so I kind of lost track of my train of thought there, so. Yeah. Thoughts/whining.