bluegansey: leia organa holding blaster and looking determined on a red background (leia organa red)

 Well, I don't think I'm sick anymore. Traumatized, yes, because some asshole posted images of animal death and gore on my twitter timeline, and I nearly had a fucking breakdown. I had to watch an episode of B99 with my mom (the s3 one with rosa's engagement party) and read some fluffy Obianidala fic to calm down. And then I read more unlinkable for reasons fic. I can say that it was partially a stripper AU and also in first-person, and I hate both of those things -- actually, I had it marked for later a couple of weeks ago, saw that it was first-person, and noped out -- but it was actually good. It was also a soulmate AU, so there was that element that I love (and it was complex, too! With worldbuilding!!! Holy shit, okay, it was great) and it was overall surprisingly good. I also wrote a fic for my own novel, the first semi-explicit thing I've ever written in my life. I think either the sex rant yesterday was really effective at helping me with my Issues or I'm just too tired and have read too much fic today to be embarrassed. And, I mean, it's probably closer to an M rating -- I have Issues with using certain words if I have to type or say them, and most of those words would make it explicit -- but still. It had choking. Actually, that was the whole point of the entire fic. I'm not even into choking -- I mean, I sometimes like it in fic, but that's it. Anyway, cutting this off for length and moving on.

I also went deep into my drafts to clear them a little and it was kinda freeing but my drafts are still so full and I'm Anxiety. I found this Barriss Offee Betrayal masterpost thing and ended up reading all the meta and some of the fics linked on it. I read Pity (it was so good and so painful) and added Reforging to read later. I've read ANOISTM before, same with The One Where Barriss Is A Model Padawan, I read Kobayashi Maru (so sweet and then Painful if you actually think about it), added The Best-Laid Plans to read later, and I've read the coffeeshop AU. Overall that was really exciting. The other major draft -- the oldest draft that I had that's a reblog and not an original post, actually -- was this story about a princess and a tower. There were also various videos (one of them was The Greatest, the Sia song, and oh god that was painful in a very real way), a post about worldbuilding language in fantasy, and a theoretical Anakin and Rex deaged slave children AU headcanon post. That was... a lot.

Oh! I also made aesthetics for three of my OCs. It was fun to play around in Photoshop again. I might post them; if so I'll link them to here. And... not much else, I guess? I sorta browsed a lot of fic. And just now I also wrote a tiny bit more for Snaibsel week day 2 (halloween) but not enough to note -- less than 100 words, I think. And my mom either forgot to turn off the wifi or left it on because I was so upset earlier. Oh boy, I am Not excited to go to bed and have nothing to distract me from what I saw!!! I fucking love dying.

bluegansey: close-up of ahsoka tano looking down and to the left (ahsoka tano gray)

 Went to Zoe's today and we talked about a lot of things -- Star Wars, various books, The Raven Cycle SW AU (which I was working on just now), shipping, TV Tropes, writing, femslash, etc. Spent about six hours doing that because we can literally talk forever. On a related note, I finished editing Lights 1! Later than I would have hoped, but I think I'll publish tomorrow. I am very nervous. But excited! But nervous.

The TRC SW AU is actually pretty exciting. Featuring Jedi!Blue, who can enhance the power of other Force users but is a mediocre Jedi herself, Jedi!Ronan whose dreams are strangely accurate, Senator!Gansey who is oddly fascinated by the legend of a long-dead Jedi master named Glendower, Senate Aide!Adam who worked his way from nothing to be an aide and who will stop at nothing for success and who is also Force-sensitive, and Force Ghost!Noah who was murdered as a Jedi padawan by his best friend who had turned to the dark side. Also featuring Jedi Masters Maura (human), Calla (Togruta) and Persephone (half-Arkanian), Sith lords Kavinsky (Zabrak) and Piper (Zeltron), and bounty hunters Gray Man (human, probably) and Greenmantle (human). I... love this au. I need to finish a few more things before sending it to Zoe, but I think this could be something.

Watched a few episodes of Clone Wars -- the first two Lux episodes and the third episode in the Fives arc, which I started a while ago and never finished. I'm actually only halfway through it now. I am reminded of how much I dislike Lux -- I mean, christ, please don't kiss someone without their permission. Especially if you aren't even dating. Also, Lux/Ahsoka seems FORCED AS HELL. WHY DOES SHE HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHEN BARRISSOKA IS RIGHT THERE. I don't get it. I am also reminded of my worst fear for the Ahsoka novel -- that she'll have a major romantic plotline. Please, Star Wars gods, please don't let that happen to her. Please let my lesbian daughter live.

bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)

 So I had a sort-of birthday party today! Not really, since it was only Leichelle, but it was... sort of... a party. My mom got this pro makeup artist who lives in my neighbourhood to show us how to do Good Makeup, and it was really cool! It was very surprising to look into the mirror actually like what I see. I'm not super self-conscious -- I mean, I don't completely hate my face, it's more the rest of my body that bothers me -- but it was still nice to actually like what I saw in the mirror. Posted a selfie, too! Even if it only has half of my face in it. Also had cake, read a bit more of Queen's Gambit -- for some reason I just can't finish it? I was just really busy, I guess. It's all action right now, which means I really need to focus and I didn't have time today.

Also finally met with my teacher for PE/Planning 10 and added some physical activity for earlier in the month. I was a little nervous for the meeting, but it was fine -- I feel a bit better about everything, which I think is the sign of a good meeting. And watched the Hostage Crisis TCW arc -- I just wanted to watch Hunt for Ziro because Twi'lek dancing ladies and the sheer hilarity of the romance (I seriously can't get over it, it's so damn hilarious) and ended up watching the whole arc. Which is... 3.08 Evil Plans (I think that's the name + number), 1.22 Hostage Crisis and 3.09 Hunt for Ziro. It's... it's an okay arc, but a little annoying and kind of disconnected because of the way it was made (out of order). Though Hostage Crisis was nice because Anidala cuteness -- I really can't think of another episode with them being so domestic and cute. Though I don't know the series that well. I think pretty much every other episode with both of them is angst or jealousy or drama-heavy. But the few moments of them being cute and married were nice. I actually also watched the... damn, I can't remember the name, Assassin, maybe? The one where Ahsoka has visions of Aurra Sing assassinating Padmé and stopping it.

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)

 So I'm going to Ontario tomorrow. Slightly excited, but more stressed because cleaning and laundry and packing. It's fine, at least I have a suitcase and am aware that it will be a carry-on (which for some reason my mom expected me to know when she never told me and I've never done that before). There's something weird going on with my boarding pass, since it was emailed to me with explicit instructions to not print it out, so I'm not sure how it will work -- I found it on my phone, so I'm not too worried, but I'm sort of irritated because I never use email on my phone. Anyway! I can finish packing in the morning, I'm not too worried, it's just travel stress.

Finished rereading Wake the Storm, and loved it just as much as the first, uh, three times. I didn't count how many times it made me emotional, but a lot of times, so many. There are phrases that wreck me every time I hear them, and there are 10-20 of them in that fic. I wasn't planning on rereading the sequel -- since it's 350k and, while I love it, it's not as good as Wake imho, but I think I will try since I have it on my Kobo and I'm going away anyway. I think if I get at least halfway through while I'm gone, I'll finish it. If not, I'll skim it for my favourite scenes once I get home and leave it. Speaking of SW, I also watched three TCW episodes since I felt like I was kind of losing the voices of most of the characters. The episodes were Landing at Point Rain, Weapons Factory, and Legacy of Terror (if I'm remembering the names correctly). I know I need to rewatch an episode with Padmé soon as well, since she's a main in the fic I'm writing, but I didn't have time today, so maybe tomorrow. If I even have time then. Anyway, I remembered how much I love Barriss and Luminara and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka and basically everyone.

It's my sixteenth birthday tomorrow, which is part of the reason we're going to Ontario -- my dad is working there and, wow, I just realized that I'll be with him on my birthday and I sort of knew all year that I wouldn't be. That's sort of nice. Anyway, I spent a while today looking at the BC regulations for getting a Learner's and I think I'm in good shape to get one once I get back from Ontario. I got 60-70% on the practice quizzes I took on the ICBC website and I'm not even finished the driving manual for new drivers or whatever it's called. So that's good! It's sort of huge that I'm turning sixteen in an hour and a half and I... I don't know, it's just weird and sort of not what I expected at any point in my life. But that's okay, it's fine. I'm happy.

ETA: I just realized that I didn't mention that I was working today, which is surprising because I was annoyed about it all morning. I work for a catering company, but I actually haven't done any shifts for... almost a year... and so it was a little nervewracking, but ended up okay. It was catering some event with city workers or something and I ended up serving the meat -- burgers and sort-of hot dogs (smokeys? they were cut almost in half and flattened). Which was fine -- it meant I didn't have to run things around and my shoes were definitely not appropriate for that -- and a surprising number of people asked for both. The thing is, when we were done, we didn't get to eat (happens sometimes but not always) and then the food was, I guess, thrown out -- and there was a lot left over. Also I had to get up before nine, which, for me, counts as an Ungodly Hour. But I got A&W and it was fine!

bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)

So last night, since I'd watched the Wrong Jedi arc, I was thinking about it, and suddenly remembered a meta I'd read a while ago about how Barriss-as-Ventress broke Ahsoka's rib during their fight in To Catch A Jedi (here). And that made me write this on my phone at 4am, which was Absolute Hell because I'm very slow at typing on my phone. So this is the edited version. BARRISSOKA CUTENESS. Set in the Lightsverse, probably around 9/10 BBY. I don't know if it'll turn into anything, but this is it. Kind of edited, not really, mostly changes of phrase and expanded a bit.

This is surprisingly nerve-wracking, especially considering how unlikely it is that anyone's going to see it, but anyway.

Read more... )
bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)

I'm back to wondering what, exactly, makes me like certain fictional characters so much.

Like, I usually have one or two favs per fandom. Usually they're girls. For example: The 100 has Raven Reyes, Teen Wolf had Allison Argent (apparently I like alliteration as well), Doctor Who has Clara Oswald, Star Wars has Ahsoka Tano.

In fandoms with fewer female characters to choose from, I gravitate towards guys that are, well, two types: one is the snarky, daddy issues, problematic fav, and the other is the character who's really good but struggling to stay good. I usually headcanon both types as bi.

Examples of the first kind: Isaac Lahey (Teen Wolf), Dean Winchester (Supernatural, though I'm not in the fandom anymore), John Murphy (The 100)

The second: Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Steve Rogers (Marvel), and a few others probably but those two are the most prominent in my mind.

Right now, my favourite character (absolute, out of all fandoms) is Ahsoka Tano, and it's interesting because personality-wise, she's not a lot like my other female favs. Like, sure, she could beat me up and I'd thank her, like all the others, but she's really dissimilar in most ways. She's also the only one on that last that I headcanon as a lesbian (most of the time, I also ship her with Rex on occasion but for the most part I see her as gay). Clara is bi in canon, and I don't have strong thoughts on the sexuality of Allison or Raven. Might be because recently (last few months) I've gotten more into LGBTQ headcanons and I was in both of those fandoms before that, so it may have cemented my opinion a little earlier. Oddly, though, I headcanon all the guys on both lists as bi and I was in those fandoms just as early.

Hmm. I don't know. I was prompted to make this because I was thinking about how Ahsoka has the very rare distinction of being my absolute fav. I usually can't compare characters across fandom, but right now I feel like crying whenever I see any posts about her, she's my phone wallpaper, she's my icon on here and on twitter, etc. I just. Love her a lot. And I'm not even finished TCW. (I need to do that but depression has been destroying my focus, meaning no TV episodes and I can't really read, either. Though the past few days have been marginally better)

Damn, I need to go to sleep now.


bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)

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