bluegansey: clarke griffin turned away on a green background (clarke griffin green)

 my life is SPIRALING but hey. i saw the lego batman movie. it was good, i liked it.

also went to a choir concert, realized i have a crush on a straight girl (i just LOVE THAT), ate way too many different trifles (they were so good and so bad for me) and continued rereading this and finished that timkon thing from yesterday and yeah. i didn't do ANYTHING i actually need to do. but i went through the longest dcu fics out of curiosity and livetweeted it, so there's that. also i was doing squats yesterday and my thighs hurt SO MUCH every time i sit down. and i'm just gonna... sleep now? yeah. wait i also signed up for this writing website and i'm gonna try to use it soon? maybe. i'll see if it works.

bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)

 Today was so long and I just. Really want to go to bed. Had a voice lesson with Leichelle and Jonathan in the morning. Then went to Bulk Barn, which was actually really cool because they had BULK EVERYTHING -- candy, cereal, salt, sugar, cake/brownie/fish batter/etc mixes, pretzels, chocolate bars -- and it was all really cheap. It's my new favourite store. I also bought Leichelle's birthday present.

After that, I read a little more of The Second Robin and then we went out again to Point Roberts. We were originally going to leave at 3:30 with our neighbours (my brother's friends) and then there was miscommunication and we ended up going separately. We went to the Arts and Music Festival, which was smaller and lot more boring than previous years, but my mom bought a lovely cashmere scarf and I got an owl necklace. Which broke a couple hours ago, but my dad can fix it. Also kettle corn. Then we went to the graveyard, which was cool and fun because I find graveyards fun for some reason. I got lots of potential character surnames, at least. After that was philosopher's cafe, which was Danny's first time attending -- and the first time his friends/our neighbours attended as well. We didn't cover a lot of philosophy, but C thought that science says we evolved from apes, so there's... that. (J corrected her. At least.) Zoe and I didn't get much of a chance to talk, but it was nice to see her anyway. And the night ended in a game of catch with a pillow. And we saw Shannon at the grocery store! He'd gotten a haircut and was wearing a polo shirt instead of a t-shirt! It was amazing!

I also found my diary from when I was eleven, and damn. I was so overdramatic, but I was also... suicidal... for at least several weeks. And I really, really hated my piano teacher. Considering that I'm 90% sure she's the root of my trust issues and issues with female authority figures, I think it's probably justified somewhat, but it was still hard to read about feeling like everyone hated me and no one trusted me and no one ever listened to me. Although I also said I wanted to die and then drew a knife on the page, so maybe my overdrama is the only real aspect of it.

bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)

 I should have posted yesterday, but exhaustion. Anyway, I have a few days to catch up on, so sections?

shannon: the man, the myth, the legend )

 

injuries and crew stuff )

 

today )

camping!!

Jul. 27th, 2016 10:20 pm
bluegansey: leia organa holding blaster and looking determined on a red background (leia organa red)

 A prime example of my procrastination: I had this computer since seven, knew that I would need to leave as soon as my mom, brother and brother's friend got home from the show they went to, and I've only started this entry now that I've got the text that they're on their way.

I have been camping/volunteering at a musical camp! No internet, no computer, and due to the untimely demise of my USB (which I am still trying not to think about) no writing. It's been... somewhat relaxing, though I keep missing memes/news/etc. I don't remember what I missed last year (I'm sure there's something) but the time before that when I was on vacation (Japan in March 2015) I missed a huge meme in the 100 fandom (which I was actively into at the time, somehow). Farmer Murphy was the greatest meme I missed. I remember that I went on tumblr at the hostel in Japan (which actually didn't feel like a hostel, it just felt like a hotel that didn't have bathrooms in the rooms) and saw that out of my "Tumblr Crushes" (top 9 people I liked/reblogged from) four had Farmer Murphy urls and one had a regular Murphy url. Actually, tbh, my time in the Murphy fandom is a bit of an embarrassment at this point.

Okay, rambling, back to the point: camp is going well, or at least not terrible. It's Wednesday and we're... mostly on track... except for one thing. Albeit a major thing and the thing I'm primarily working on. We decided to make a backdrop for the backing of the stage -- we did it last year and it was fine -- but this year is... not going so well. Last year was spray paint on canvas, and while it was pretty light and kind of sketchy and poorly defined, it looked great. This year we had the grand idea of making two backdrops, for different parts of the musical, except this years our supplies are a disaster. The paint was donated, and it's all either gray or white. We had to mix the paint, but we had only tiny samples of each color. And the canvas is just a white sheet, requiring the ground where we're painting (which is also the stage) to be completely covered by materials that we barely have access to. We wanted to get the base coat on the main backdrop done by Tuesday morning at the latest, but we finished it... today. And we still have details to do. And one more backdrop. And we're nearly out of colour and don't have enough paint.

Yesterday was a lot worse on that front, really -- we (or maybe it was just me) sort of freaked because we needed green and got pale turquoise. It ended up working, but we lost all of our green, most of our blue, and half of our yellow. And some of our black because someone (I think it was me) thought that would make it darker. It did not. It made it gray-ish. It worked out by today, it's pretty much fine, but we still have details and one more to do by Friday morning. Worst-case scenario, we finish the one we started -- which is the "main" backdrop, which will be hidden for most of it but secured the whole time -- and get the second one done after the campers leave on Friday. Worst-worst, we finish it on Saturday and the backdrop change goes untested.

Other than that... the religion is less stifling than I expected, probably because we haven't done any prayers since Monday and the songs in the musical (which I hear ALL THE TIME NOW) are catchy enough that I can ignore the meaning. And I'm having fun, actually -- it's really nice to feel productive, and I don't feel that a lot. I'm also feeling a bit less stressed -- I mean, I am worried about missing things, but I can't really do anything about it, so I don't think about it a lot. I'm also reading... admittedly less than I wanted to, but I'm making steady progress through Voyage of the Dawn Treader and I'm a little bit into the second Thrawn book (whatever it's called I can't remember). And I'm... less annoyed at the fact that I'm sleeping on the ground. We're not camping camping -- we have a trailer -- but I'm in a tent and I pretty much hate it but it's better than sleeping in the trailer. I really wanted to stay home today -- we came back to see a show and I didn't go -- but no one else wants to get up at an ungodly hour to be back by nine, so going back soon. I'll miss my house. I already miss it.

bluegansey: clarke griffin turned away on a green background (clarke griffin green)

 Well, today was somewhat of a rollercoaster. I went to the crew meeting for the camp that I, uh, ranted about yesterday, and I'm finally remembering why I love it so much. This always happens -- I don't want to do something and then I do it and it's great. But yeah -- it's nice, it's accepting, it's really nice to know that I'll be interacting regularly with other people every day for a while. I am a bit of a loner (understatement of the most extreme kind, honestly) and often go days without leaving my house -- homeschooling is great until it's not -- so I also sometimes go weeks or months without talking to anyone I would consider a friend. I do talk to my parents, of course, and my brother, and during the year I had online classes, but other than that... I am an introvert, but it can be lonely. But this week will not be lonely! Stressful, exhausting, massively different from the rest of my life, but not lonely.

So that happened. And then after I got home, packed more, got sushi for dinner, etc -- my USB broke. My USB with all my writing on it. I backed it up last week, but I've written over 6k since then. All of the Obianidala celebrity AU and all of the Barrissoka sort-of-canonverse fic, along with several scenes from Lights 5 that I wrote last weekend in Ontario. I... well, it was a couple of hours ago, which is why I can write without capslock. But I am really worried about it. I might be able to restore it -- it didn't break physically, a small miracle -- but who knows.

Fuck, now I need to find another way to get my comics to come camping with me. I was going to use my USB to transfer them onto my mom's computer. I'll find a way.

bluegansey: peggy carter holding captain america's shield on a blue background (peggy carter blue)
religion issues )

Quick recap of the rest of my day -- that was so long, sorry again -- I went to a voice lesson (with that director, actually, not speaking of it) with Leichelle and her brother, went shopping and bought and ate way too much candy (possible -- likely -- cause of my Spiral today), got mad about acephobia (they're literally saying that the A means Ally. THAT THE A MEANS ALLY. IT'S 2016), watched some B99, wrote a little more of the T100/SW fic, got a nice comment on Lights 1 and replied to it and then had a moment of "wait, is this actually my fic? or am i some weirdo on a random fic that the author will stare at in mute horror" (why does my anxiety do that, why) and had dinner with my neighbour who takes care of the pets while we're away and the neighbour that's moving soon. OKAY. Also, my mom told me that I should start adding things that I'm grateful for, so: I'm grateful that there are people brave enough and educated enough to call out the aphobia that some people are exhibiting.

bluegansey: peggy carter holding captain america's shield on a blue background (peggy carter blue)

 Today was mostly okay until it wasn't. I'm actually... pretty worried for my mental state right now... because it's really messed up. I think I described it as feeling like my brain is in molasses, and every time I try to do something it drags so slowly it feels like there's no point at all.

Read Obi-Wan & Anakin and livetweeted it. It was, technically, pretty good, but not really my thing. Also, I'm mad at Palpatine again, but also?? Mace and Obi-Wan???? They just let Palpy take Anakin -- a twelve-year-old -- on a random trip to Coruscant's inner city? I mean, they didn't know where they were going, but why would they let Anakin meet him at all? I know Mace resisted, but why didn't he seem to think that the request was creepy? Anyway, I don't know, I'm just annoyed. Also I could barely focus on that, so I can't focus on anything except B99 anymore! Good to know.

Sort of Mental Breakdown regarding my religion issues and my trust issues. Both of which are fucked up and complicated and make me upset to think about. I left the conversation with my mom feeling worse than I did before. Fucking hell, I just wanted her to tell me that I didn't have to do the thing that makes me miserable and intensely uncomfortable, and she was trying to tell me that I "decided" that I didn't like it. I'm just so upset and done and I don't know how to deal with this. Also got hit with how soon my birthday is and I Don't Want That. I want to just not ever move again. I made some posts about the Breakdown: here, here, and here. And I'll cut myself off because I need sleep and I'm pretty sure sleep is the only thing that will make me feel a bit better.

bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)

 This happiness will not last, but hey, it's good for now! I went down to Point Roberts for a choral concert and Philosopher's Cafe, which took basically all day. It was really nice, actually! The concert featured an opera singer soloist, which I've never seen before -- but holy hell. It was amazing. I think she shattered my eardrums once or twice. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO HIT THOSE HIGH NOTES but I really can't if I don't want to die. It's fine, I can sing something other than opera.

The Cafe was nice -- we played Uno before and after (and I won two of the three rounds. Apparently I'm good at some things) and discussed whether there is a social value to religion, which was... interesting. I think my stance was "yes, it can bring community, but it's also not always a good thing and can be dangerous". I also brought up this type of disorder than happens to people who are raised very religiously and leave their religion -- I can't remember what it's called, but it's similar to PTSD, I think. Apparently leaving a religion in general is very similar to leaving a cult, psychologically. I read about it in an article; I might see if I can find it again later, but it was a while ago. Also apparently some people I know have eaten sand. I no longer know them.

I'm also really loving my discourse blog. I made three personal posts in a row! It's amazing! Also I love tagging things so precisely, it gives me a little thrill every time. I also didn't see much discourse today! So that's good! I did go into the #GrowingUpCanadian hashtag on twitter and it was weird -- some of it was accurate and some of it was very east-coast specific (I'm guessing). Bagged milk, a lot of snow -- we don't get either of those things her in the West. Also I really don't know anyone obsessed with Tim Hortons.

Profile

bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)
Nicola

July 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112 131415
161718192021 22
23242526272829
3031     

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 23rd, 2017 10:54 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios