bluegansey: allison argent laughing and smiling with a pink background (allison argent pink)

 This is the fourth day in a row or something where I've been out in the evening or day, and today it was both -- panto rehearsal (at the actual theatre now!) from one to almost five, and Philosopher's Cafe in the evening. I spent most of the panto rehearsal reading -- I finished my reread of this Superbat fic (ahh I still love it so much) and then I browsed my bookmarks to look for SFW fics to read on my phone, because someone leaned over my shoulder and said "good book?" during possibly the only mildly explicit scene in the entire fic. I don't know if they saw the actual story, but like... it was scary. So I managed to get through like six pages of bookmarks, and I came to realize just how many damn explicit fics I read. Like... DC is Something Else, I never expected this. I think the combination of having tons of quality fic and also not feeling sex repulsed for a long while (it's been so long... I don't even remember ever being sex repulsed but like that's just my shitty memory) and yeah. I don't know how I feel about it, who knows.

Philosopher's Cafe was good as well! There was a new person there, named Jason -- he doesn't live at the Point but has a vacation house there and yeah. He was pretty cool, I guess. There wasn't really a set theme for our discussion, so we talked about the weather, skiing, and like... various things? Don't really remember most of it. Zoe was there and we talked for a while after and it was good. And then I came home, basically -- after going to the grocery store and getting wine (my mom), mint m&ms (my mom), whoppers (me since they're not in Canada but I didn't want them atm and haven't had any yet. my brother tried to take some and made the excuse that they were for his gerbils... he should not be allowed to parent) and a blueberry Tillamook yogurt cup (me, because I fucking love tillamook and they don't have it in Canada). Also weird thing: when we were crossing the border, we saw a bunch of border cops standing in the middle of the road in front of the way back to Canada and holding flashlights? Like??? I don't even know why. I'm confused. They were gone later though.

DISCOURSE! Of course. Someone made a condescending essay post (I mentioned it already I think) and I responded to it... because I'm a dumbass... and they didn't care, obviously, and someone else who responded to it replied to an earlier post I made about whether I should fight them or not. And they were really nice about it, and it turns out that the other person has a long history of suicide baiting and being a generally awful person. And yeah, I sorta had a fuckton of anxiety for a while, but this person helped me feel a bit better. Also someone else who I followed already/have talked to before (though they don't know I'm the same person as my sideblogs... ahhh shit I need to tell them but also how) responded as well and I just feel??? Better now??? It's nice. I guess. Anyway it's 2:40 and I am GOING TO BED. And wow, I made a lot tags on this... today was busier than I thought... oh I also watched an episode of The Office with my mom and brother, though my mom left halfway through to pick up my dad. It was the one with a fire and Michael sexually harassing the temp guy. It was okay. Okay I'm legit gonna sleep now my hands are shaking almost too much to type

bluegansey: leia organa holding blaster and looking determined on a red background (leia organa red)
I… don’t know how to feel. Because on the one hand, words were written. By me. On the other hand, they were words about a Bad Ship. A smut fic for a Bad Ship, actually. And I honestly Do Not Know how to feel right now. I’m a little proud of myself for getting over my mental block and actually writing it — even if the actual sex was only a few paragraphs — but again. Bad Ship. I definitely Cannot post this on my AO3. Maybe on my Bad Ships blog. Or not. Maybe in the light of day I’ll see that it’s actually terrible.

Along with the 1.7k that is That Fic, I wrote just under 500 words of Lights chapter 7. It’s an important scene, and I’m not entirely happy with it, but it’s happening? I guess? I think I’m making some progress on that — forward momentum is good. I’m kind of emotional over Obidala now, too. I love them… so much.

Also Philosopher’s Cafe today! It was at someone’s house and not the church this time, but that was still fine. There was a new guy there, Alex — he’s from the Point and I think he’s a friend of Miles’ — and Leichelle came too! We talked about race as a social or biological construct, and that wasn’t as offensive as it could have been, so that’s a win. And then a lot about US politics. Miles brought it up, when we were trying to avoid the issue, but I think it was probably a good thing, since the election is so soon and this is the last opportunity we have to talk about it. God, I need this goddamn election to be over. Our election season was a year ago, and it lasted seventy days. And that was considered insanely long by our (reasonable, human) standards. I hate America. We also talked about Canadian politics a bit, which was a nice change of pace.

I finally watched Justice League: War. It was pretty good! I ship Batlantern now, I think. Also Halbarry is Good. And Diana was awesome, and so was Clark, and Shazam (I know he has a name I just can’t remember it right now) and Victor Stone. My brother watched it with me, mostly, so that was actually kind of nice. Also I put a new mattress on my bed — I’ve had it for a while, I just hadn’t put it on my bed yet. I’m excited to check it out.
bluegansey: allison argent laughing and smiling with a pink background (allison argent pink)

 I guess I am technically free of all school obligations now, but I really don't feel much better about... anything. So that's fun. I think my food issues are mostly gone now -- I ate regular meals today, even if one of them was pizza -- and I felt kinda better, mentally. I mean, not a ton better, but a little bit? I dunno. I actually feel more cheerful after writing this, because hey, today did have its high points.

swr spoilers )

On the topic of media things, I also read a comic -- Batman and Robin Vol. 1 (2011). I really love the Dick!Batman and Damian!Robin dynamic, and it was really interesting seeing a VERY DIFFERENT version of Jason. It's, uh, something -- especially coming right out of Red Hood and the Outlaws. And he's a redhead, which is just weird, okay. Overall it was pretty good, I think. And also continued reading this Drarry fic (link doesn't go to first chapter because I don't feel like going to it and getting the link). It's good, I can't wait to finish it. Also I've been listening to Take A Chance On Me by Abba on repeat all day, which is weird because I don't actually like Abba, usually.

Philosopher's Cafe was today, and it was pretty interesting. First of all, we were late. We had to drive my dad to [redacted city], which is kinda out of the way, and so we ended up being about fifteen minutes late (me, my mom, my brother and Jaime). And there was a great moment at the border crossing -- there were red lights over the gates (idk if that's the right word but it's 1am so) but nothing across the entrance, so my mom scanned our Nexus cards and then kept driving on instinct. The guy in the booth came out and waved her back, and a minute later or so the light turned green. And when we got there, he said "[Mom's name], how long have you been driving?" Her: "Uh, thirty years?" Him: "Red means stop." It was actually kinda hilarious, if weirdly extreme. And he got mad about her backing up after he stopped us ("you can't BACK INTO TRAFFIC" -- there was no one behind us close enough to hit) and it was overall pretty hilarious.

At the actual Cafe, we were mostly discussing a Socrates quote, which I can't remember verbatim but it was something along the lines of "unless you examine it, your life is worthless". And that led to discussions on self-examination, knowing oneself, whether it's always a good idea to really introspect and understand who you are as a person or what your purpose is, etc. And we got to almost 8pm before US politics were mentioned (it was me. Gina was talking about the horrible things happening in the world and I added in with "Donald Trump running for president". I am Ashamed.), which has to be a record. So there was also a discussion on that. And after, we stopped at the grocery store and I bought pretzels for a chance to see if Shannon was there. He was! Jaime told us a Shannon legend from the last time she was there, as well: her friend was in the grocery cart, and he looked and said "age is just a number." Ah, classic Shannon.

ETA: Well somehow I ended up writing 1.8k of Lights chapter 6. I was really stuck on that chapter -- action scenes are so hard okay -- but I somehow?? Wrote it??? All that action??? Damn. And now I really need to go to bed.
bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)

 This happiness will not last, but hey, it's good for now! I went down to Point Roberts for a choral concert and Philosopher's Cafe, which took basically all day. It was really nice, actually! The concert featured an opera singer soloist, which I've never seen before -- but holy hell. It was amazing. I think she shattered my eardrums once or twice. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO HIT THOSE HIGH NOTES but I really can't if I don't want to die. It's fine, I can sing something other than opera.

The Cafe was nice -- we played Uno before and after (and I won two of the three rounds. Apparently I'm good at some things) and discussed whether there is a social value to religion, which was... interesting. I think my stance was "yes, it can bring community, but it's also not always a good thing and can be dangerous". I also brought up this type of disorder than happens to people who are raised very religiously and leave their religion -- I can't remember what it's called, but it's similar to PTSD, I think. Apparently leaving a religion in general is very similar to leaving a cult, psychologically. I read about it in an article; I might see if I can find it again later, but it was a while ago. Also apparently some people I know have eaten sand. I no longer know them.

I'm also really loving my discourse blog. I made three personal posts in a row! It's amazing! Also I love tagging things so precisely, it gives me a little thrill every time. I also didn't see much discourse today! So that's good! I did go into the #GrowingUpCanadian hashtag on twitter and it was weird -- some of it was accurate and some of it was very east-coast specific (I'm guessing). Bagged milk, a lot of snow -- we don't get either of those things her in the West. Also I really don't know anyone obsessed with Tim Hortons.

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Nicola

July 2017

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