bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (wonder woman brown)

 I finally saw Wonder Woman yesterday!!! I didn't love all of it, and the dialogue felt a little clunky in parts (though I'm really sensitive to that so it's almost definitely a personal problem), but OH GOD, I WAS REALLY EMOTIONAL. Like, I got to the theatre and I was excited and then the movie started and I just grabbed my mom's wrist so hard and was like "OH MY GOD THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING". Like, I didn't grow up idolizing Wonder Woman -- I was remarkably superhero-indifferent as a child, and until I got into Marvel a couple years ago -- but it was a superhero movie about a woman, and even if I hadn't gotten Super Into DC a few months ago, I would have been excited. As is, I was choking down tears for easily the first half of the movie. The second half was... less good, idk. WonderTrev didn't really appeal to me, and the Massive Superhero Fight at the end was exhausting to me (I hate fights like that!!) but the actually movie ending was emotional and enjoyable.

I loved, loved, loved the Amazon fight scenes at the beginning. I know other people have said it before, but a scene with women fighting where they weren't sexualized. Where the camera focused on the fight and not their bodies. It was so unexpectedly emotional, because it's not something I'd even realized was missing. Like, I don't really watch that many superhero movies, even if it's the main genre I watch; but this was so emotional because this is what it could be like, and it's not, but we have this. Ahh. Ahhhhhh.

And, of course, the No Man's Land scene. From all the hype, I thought I would enjoy it more, to be honest. Like, I DID like it -- it just wasn't quite as much of a Moment as I expected. It was really good, though -- it was really damn emotional, too.

Yeah, I really loved Wonder Woman. I really want to go see it again.

And because for some reason I can focus on the WRONG THINGS, I started watching The Handmaid's Tale today. I've seen two episodes so far, and I really like it. It's not totally perfect, and sometimes the excessively long shots where nothing is happening get boring, but I'm pretty sure that's my own attention span as the problem. I really like Alexis Bledel's character -- I'm not all that familiar with her as an actress, but I think she did really well. I can't wait to finish watching it if I ever do hahaha I hate existing

bluegansey: allison argent laughing and smiling with a pink background (allison argent pink)
SO I FINALLY SAW LOGAN THANK GOD.

spoilers )

JSYK -- the link in my "currently listening" goes to a Logan playlist because Of Course It Does.

bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)

 GOOD THINGS TODAY:

  • Star Wars Cards Against Humanity (with darthvcder on tumblr) which was SUPER FUN
  • Saw Lego Batman Movie again!!!!
  • Read a couple of good fics (Jaytim, Jaydick, another that I won't link bc it wasn't... good (well it was but it almost gave me a panic attack so... no))
  • Posted a new chapter of Lights! Which I forgot to crosspost here. Shit. I'll do that.
NOT SO GOOD THINGS TODAY:
  • My brother told me that he deleted most of the pictures I took in Japan off his phone. Because I didn't ask for them, apparently.
  • I found out that a writer I'd liked actually has some really shitty opinions (including, but not limited to: feminism is pointless, gay marriage is useless & gay people are sinners ("but I still respect them" okay susan), abortion is murder, Trump isn't that bad, Irish slavery was real, trans people don't exist, birth control is morally wrong, Muslims are terrorists, shipping slash is just "insane fangirls who think everything is gay", making characters not straight is DISRESPECTFUL TO THEIR STRAIGHT HISTORY, and more! It... really fucking hurt, because I kinda thought I could trust them, y'know? I just... I didn't expect it.
  • I wanted to go out for wings since I'm not going to be home on another Wednesday night until summer, but nah.
bluegansey: amy pond holding a book with a yellow background (amy pond yellow)
mental illness bullshit )
bluegansey: clarke griffin turned away on a green background (clarke griffin green)

 my life is SPIRALING but hey. i saw the lego batman movie. it was good, i liked it.

also went to a choir concert, realized i have a crush on a straight girl (i just LOVE THAT), ate way too many different trifles (they were so good and so bad for me) and continued rereading this and finished that timkon thing from yesterday and yeah. i didn't do ANYTHING i actually need to do. but i went through the longest dcu fics out of curiosity and livetweeted it, so there's that. also i was doing squats yesterday and my thighs hurt SO MUCH every time i sit down. and i'm just gonna... sleep now? yeah. wait i also signed up for this writing website and i'm gonna try to use it soon? maybe. i'll see if it works.

bluegansey: leia organa holding blaster and looking determined on a red background (leia organa red)

 I need to sleep, but also like... posterity. I saw Hidden Figures today -- so good, so so good, I LOVED it. There was also a Thing where I was driving with my mom and there was a dog on the side of the road that was about to run onto the road -- the owner was approaching it slowly, and it didn't have a leash, and I Realized, and I sort of freaked out. The dog was fine -- the owner got to it and grabbed its collar as we passed them, but it was so terrifying. My mom says I got really pale and my heart didn't stop hammering for like ten minutes and I couldn't stop shaking and I almost cried. Something similar happened to me on Christmas day -- my dog ran into traffic and it was like a fucking miracle of God that she didn't get hit by a car (i'm agnostic but that almost made me believe) and one time a few months ago my mom hit a rabbit while we were driving and it was kinda similar to today's thing -- hesitating by the side of the road and then jumping in at the last second. That's what I was afraid of. And it didn't happen but yeah.

In other news, America is rapidly becoming a dystopia and I am so. Fucking. Terrified and highkey want to die. I ended up writing out my feelings with some original work and that was... something. It was really disturbing actually but if I'm writing I'm not doing it so that's. Good. Anyway I'm Tired and I should probably like. Sleep.

bluegansey: clarke griffin turned away on a green background (clarke griffin green)

So I saw Moana today! It was so good, damn. I LOVED THE SONGS. I need to buy the soundtrack. It was also POURING RAIN all day, and it’s been so long since it’s rained this hard. I kinda missed it. Even when I was standing in the rain waiting for my dad to pick me up at the bus station. My house is like three minutes away from there by car and it took him TWENTY MINUTES and he said it was traffic. There was no traffic in the pouring rain at seven at night. There really was not. We watched more of The Office when we got home. I… hate Michael. A lot. Like, there are some characters who are The Worst in an endearing way, and there are some characters who are The Worst and you never want to hear about their existence ever. Michael is in the second category. (I'm aware that this is probably a really harsh view to have, but when I hate characters... generally speaking, I really hate them. And I don't hate characters very often at all.)

I also read Various Fics that I can’t really link but Oh Well. I mean, there was this Jaytim one which I found by accident but it was so excellent that I’m just really glad. I’m also slowly making my way through another unlinkable fic. Fun times. And tonight I went through some of my old writing and damn. I found this AU concept for one of my original novels that I wrote… I don’t know when because the file is a copy and there’s literally no way it was only a year ago. It’s 8k of boarding school AU stuff. Featuring secret crushes and sexuality crises and a really sweet love confession. And also dying friends but I skipped over that subplot because I wanted to write New Year’s kisses. That story was the first time I’d ever written a love confession, actually, and I remember feeling So Good after I first wrote it. It’s still lovely. I went through some other older writing as well and some of it is Cringe but some of it is Relatively Good. And that’s good.

Not much else really? Yeah. Though I'm thinking I might possibly start locking my diary entries to just me and then only make public entries if it's something that literally anyone else might be interested in... I'm well aware that there's nothing terribly interesting about my life and especially not on a day-to-day basis. So I'm Considering.

bluegansey: allison argent laughing and smiling with a pink background (allison argent pink)

*throws up peace sign* today was SO GOOD on the writing front, y’all. SO GOOD. It’s been weeks since I’ve written basically anything and this morning I sat down and wrote 1.2k of a new novel idea. It has ghosts and cute queer romance with a happy ending. I’m so happy, y’all. And then — AND THEN — I worked on my school application. Wrote a biography for myself, and THEN I wrote a THREE POINT FOUR K ESSAY ABOUT ANTI-SHIPPING. I’m shook, y’all. I’m shook. And how did I say "y'all" three times in this paragraph? I have no idea.

I just had to write about a learning experience, and THIS HAPPENED. Holy fuck. The glossary section is almost 1k on its own. This essay is a monster. I am shook. Also I keep wanting to swear because I had to keep my language clean for the essay (or, well, no one said I had to but this is a school application so I’m erring on the side of caution) and I just finished writing and and yeah. I'll edit it tomorrow (today) and hopefully my mom will have the address I'm supposed to send it to.

Other things… other things. I watched Justice League vs Teen Titans — a Good Movie, imho. Still love Damian… love him a lot… love him. And I like Kori a little more than I did before, even if I still pretty much hate Dickkori… yeah. Sorry. I just can’t get behind it. Also was it my imagination or was the movie trying to push a romance between Raven and Damian? For the love of god, let them be friends and let Damian date Beast Boy. Seriously. Also I think I officially hate SuperWonder now and I don’t know why I suddenly hate het ships. When did this happen. I don’t even know.

I also made butterscotch pudding from a recipe online and it was good. And helped my mom make meatballs for dinner, and read a very interesting article about the killing of zoo animals in Denmark (the article has some fairly graphic images of dead and dissected animals, btw). And didn’t do much else? Yeah.

bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)

Good? Bad? I don’t know. I can’t tell what emotion is anymore.

Went to see Rogue One with my family. We went out for sushi (well, I didn’t have sushi, but it was a sushi restaurant) before the movie and we had a voucher, so we actually got drinks and popcorn. The second viewing reminded me of the movie’s flaws — the not-so-great first two acts, Felicity’s acting (like… sorry, Jyn is just not a convincing character at all) — and great parts — actually married SpiritAssassin, THE ENDING. Also I saw the Ghost in one shot and it was SO EXCITING. And I actually heard the overhead announcement calling General Syndulla and I gasped out loud because I love Hera so much. So much.

Like an hour after that I went to the panto. Not flies tonight, so it was pretty relaxed, and I reread an entire, very sad and heartbreaking but with a happy ending fic. And read more of another fic. There was a hilarious moment where an actor fucked up a line — the line is “I am a Trump University graduate” and he said “I am a University Trump graduate” instead. I literally snorted out loud and a couple of actors who were offstage waiting for their cue laughed as well. It was great.

Not much else? Did a bit of reading once the wifi went off, read an entire 21k fic. It was good, though some awkward moments were SO AWKWARD, yikes. And I wrote 381 words of the Bad Ship soulmate concept, finishing it off — I’m not super happy with the scene I wrote but hey, it exists now, it can be edited. Although it’s like… so sappy and romantic, I don’t even know anymore if it’s Good. But anyway . Before that I did a tag meme game. And responded to the one (1) ask for this writing ask game. And I reread a Barrissoka fic I started writing months ago and I thought I had a lot more to write but I think it’s actually pretty close to done? I just need to figure out a title, I think. And maybe do one (technically two for complicated reasons but for idea purposes it’s just one) more scene. Yeah. Also I can’t believe I forgot but my aunt’s dog is staying with us for a few days and it’s so weird. Our dog is a beagle/jack russell cross, so she’s short — like, up to our knees, maybe — and my aunt’s dog Toto is a standard poodle. She’s just so… tall. It’s weird, I’m so not used to it.

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)

 Star Wars, Star Wars, NOTHING BUT STAR WARS. And DC, I guess, but that's my fixation right now so that's not surprising. Christ, it's really late and I am so, so tired and COLD because the heat has been off for hours. Fuck.

I WENT TO SEE ROGUE ONE. I DIED. I already posted my reaction here, but just like. God. I'm not over it. I've been posting about it all night. I went to see it at 12:25 and managed to miss my grandparent's visit entirely, which I probably shouldn't feel happy about. It wasn't too busy, luckily, which I'm glad of. But one great moment: there was an ad for the Rogue One soundtrack and I heard someone a few rows above me gasp. Someone with them said "we're literally about to watch it" and they said "I know, I'm just so excited." Hard same, random stranger, hard same.

Panto again, and I worked flies again. It was better than last night, except one moment at the end -- I didn't realize I was supposed to lift the curtain so the kids in the audience could come onstage and get autographs, so I wasn't ready. The director was giving a speech, and I wasn't listening because I literally could not hear a word, so maybe I was supposed to get my cue from that? But yeah, I was a few seconds late but it was fine. It's all good. Also this happened.

And I'm reading a longfic right now with angels and demons and theology and a fuckton of era-appropriate (unfortunately) homophobia. It's pretty good, not much to say about it... and I went incognito to look for fic for the first time in my life, and wow. It was... something. Although I sort of realized pretty quickly that there's very little of what I was looking for, overall, so I just browsed regular fic tags for a while. And it was fine. Anyway.

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)

 What is life? What is everything? I'm back on the computer, as should be obvious, and wow, I'm in... a state.

I did a lot over the missing time! I read a bunch of fics, worked a lot more on the panto (daily rehearsals lately, first preview tomorrow, opening Friday) and went to an island to check out a school. The school was really interesting: I went on Sunday night and stayed until the next day. I still don't know if I want to go, but if I do... it'll be in February. I just don't know at this point if I want to, because it's basically like summer camp? All the time? Anyway. While I was there, I spent like an hour hiking (and dying of exhaustion), played the part of a missing person in the Christmas play they were rehearsing (it snowed overnight on Sunday, and it wasn't supposed to and I was Unprepared. Also, my life is JUST THEATRE RIGHT NOW) and then my mom and I drove around for a while. We saw four deer on the road and an OTTER. ON THE ROAD. I don't even know.

Panto stuff, well... *ugly laughter* I'm doing flies now! And I did them for the first time today! And fucked up, badly, multiple times! And I'm doing it tomorrow for a fucking audience! I sorta feel like I should fake my death to get out of this or something and I feel like I'm going to throw up every time I think about it. I just don't have time to practice and it's TOMORROW. I can't deal with this. I kinda need to break something.

Nothing much else to say? Oh, I watched some movies while I was offline (movies don't COUNT, they aren't on a computer) -- The Dark Knight Returns (both parts), Batman: Year One, Son of Batman (rewatch), Black Mirror 3x03 (weird, kinda uncomfortable, not my thing) and 3x04 (wonderful, beautiful, showstopping, never been done, always grateful), and a few more episodes of Supergirl. I feel like I might be forgetting something, but eh. I dunno. I don't really have much more to say? K. Oh, I also went to the naturopath today and she was in hysterics at my one dinner which was basically an eggnog latte, chocolate protein bar, a brownie, orange juice, and probably more I'm forgetting. Also she was making a comparison and said "you wouldn't eat a whole bowl of chocolate syrup, right?" and I just kinda. Stared.

bluegansey: harley quinn with a baseball bat across her shoulders and blowing bubblegum on a brown background (harley quinn brown)

I am honestly way too awake to go to bed, and I’m probably going to lie there for an hour and not sleep, but I have literally nothing to do and I can’t do anything, so I guess I have to? I’ll deal, I guess. I was so tired earlier and now I’m just AWAKE AND READY TO RESEARCH THE FUCK OUT OF SOMETHING, which I can’t do because no wifi. Of course.

A lot of Solitude today — when I woke up everyone was gone, and my brother didn’t get home from school until after four and my mom didn’t get home until past six, so I got lots of time to relax. And of course I got into a weird, tired headspace where the only thing I had the energy for was fic reading. I started reading The Hot Topic AU — the fics in it that looked interesting, at least — and it’s pretty good, I guess? Not really what I expected, but good. Also just now I read a Batlantern fic and reread a Superbat fic — or, well, I continued and didn’t finish it. I was already a bit into it, and I didn’t finish because I don’t want to read it right now despite how good it is. I was just craving more Batlantern after that first one. The Batlantern one was pretty good, though it had some… weird moments… and stuff I didn’t expect. Like, a few moments of kind of homophobia? Like, I couldn’t tell if the POV character was meant to be that way, or if it was the narrative itself… and a weird story about racism where I didn’t expect it, and some extreme secondhand embarassment that was just on the line between funny and agonizing (oh god, Oliver Queen is a disaster of a human being) and. A wedding. I did not expect that. Is that just something this author DOES? Like, the last longfic I read by them had a marriage at the end as well. So maybe it’s just their Thing, to make the characters get married for some reason after a very short period of time. Not a bad thing, just kind of odd and unexpected in this case. Maybe I’ll just expect it next time I read one of this author’s fics.

I was feeling kind of weird and awful and like I wanted to tear my skin off or something, so I went to see a movie — Arrival. It was pretty good, though I totally blanked on the fact that I was going to see a new release on a Tuesday (cheaper tickets) evening, so I got there five minutes before the movie started and ended up in the second row. It wasn’t too bad — my neck isn’t in agony or anything — but it was pretty annoying. The movie itself was pretty good, I guess — the language stuff was actually really fascinating, but the time plotline was confusing as hell and kind of a mindfuck. Also boring het romance, but it’s sort of unfair to get upset about that, considering every single movie has one. I also saw my neighbour, as I was coming out of the theatre — she was there to see Doctor Strange (ugh) with her boyfriend. It was awkward but not as bad as it could have been.

bluegansey: close-up of ahsoka tano looking down and to the left (ahsoka tano gray)

Oh, god, I’m back into the weird headspace I get into when I read things that make me uncomfortable in specific ways. Happens with books about the afterlife, or books with significant disappointment or secondhand embarassment — and, apparently, longfic series about [redacted ship] involving [redacted trope]. I read so goddamn much fic today -- a really long fic series and a few others -- but I didn’t realize the affect it had on my mood — or, well, the extent of it — until the wifi went down and I couldn’t look for something to chase away the feeling. I have some things saved, but none of them are what I want and I’m frustrated. And upset, and I don’t get why. There’s nothing inherently wrong about the trope and ship (well, there is with the ship, but I can usually deal? I think), but there were some things in the fic that just — no, I can’t deal with this. I tried to read a fluffy genfic — loaded up before the wifi went down — but I hadn’t read it before, and while it doesn’t involve any of the same tropes… the writing style, and a few other elements, were so similar to the fic I was reading earlier that I couldn’t let my guard down. It was weird, I kept expecting the ship to happen and it didn’t but I kept thinking it would and I felt weird. It doesn’t help that one of the fics I read earlier had a really similar concept — involving de-aging — and it had that ship. And a really, really similar element — de-aging from the exact same point to the exact same point — was probably because the author of the one I read first was inspired by that one, but it still really freaked me out somehow. And I’m rambling. I just don’t want to go to bed and deal with this feeling.

Okay, long paragraph there. Working back; I did some writing on the original concept I mentioned yesterday, about 500 words. I finished the Watchmen movie, the last hour and fifteen minutes or so; it’s good, I guess, but a little violent for my taste. Short discussion in the group chat for the Musical Theatre Crew; we planned to go to Mexico over Christmas. Had therapy, and it was mostly good; talked about my life and the panto and stuff. And school, and I don’t want to deal with that ever. I’m kind of just feeling awful and off balance and I feel like I can’t deal with anything in my life at all. I’m just going to see if I maybe have some fic saved that’ll make me feel better? Ugh, I know two fics that I really want to read right now, because they’re pretty short and self-contained and don’t have anything remotely similar to the elements of the fic I read earlier, but I don’t have them saved so I guess I’ll just suffer? Well, I ended up rereading a fluffy almost-crack Jaytim fic and it worked even if I ended up staying on the computer till almost 3am.

bluegansey: peggy carter holding captain america's shield on a blue background (peggy carter blue)
As I write this, I am waiting for the wifi to come back online. I planned to open up a fic to read after it went down, but I didn’t make sure it was loaded before the wifi went off, and it wasn’t — so my mom turned it back on. That was about thirty minutes ago. It’s still not on. I don’t know whether to be worried or not. I’m sure it’ll come back… but when… I just want to reread this fic that made me believe in love. It’s so good. The romance is better than most romance novels I’ve read. And I need fluff because I feel like hell right now — just period stuff and also weird various pains in my body that are probably because of my period. And I can’t really focus and just feel so weird, overall.

I didn’t do anything today, lol, but I did rewatch Under The Red Hood because I love pain and I hate myself. I’m suffering, highkey. I watched a few episodes of The Office with my mom and brother, and god, that show is so AWKWARD. I mean, that’s meant to be the comedy or whatever, but god… it’s painful at times. Though I looked up a video about the first aid scene or whatever, and showed it to my mom and brother, and almost choked laughing. Also this video from The Office. Was good. I… really did nothing else except reread this one fic series and play candy crush. I also responded to a response to one of my shipping discourse posts. I felt awful at the time so my point sort of got away from me, but still. It’s a point I feel passionate about.

DID MY MOM LIE TO ME ABOUT TURNING THE WIFI BACK ON, OR SOMETHING? BECAUSE IT’S BEEN LIKE FORTY MINUTES, THIS ISN’T NORMAL. Oh! No, she didn’t. It was glitching out; I unplugged it (at her shouted request from her bedroom) and plugged it back in and it’s fine. Hey, I can actually put this online now! Nice.

bluegansey: leia organa holding blaster and looking determined on a red background (leia organa red)
I… don’t know how to feel. Because on the one hand, words were written. By me. On the other hand, they were words about a Bad Ship. A smut fic for a Bad Ship, actually. And I honestly Do Not Know how to feel right now. I’m a little proud of myself for getting over my mental block and actually writing it — even if the actual sex was only a few paragraphs — but again. Bad Ship. I definitely Cannot post this on my AO3. Maybe on my Bad Ships blog. Or not. Maybe in the light of day I’ll see that it’s actually terrible.

Along with the 1.7k that is That Fic, I wrote just under 500 words of Lights chapter 7. It’s an important scene, and I’m not entirely happy with it, but it’s happening? I guess? I think I’m making some progress on that — forward momentum is good. I’m kind of emotional over Obidala now, too. I love them… so much.

Also Philosopher’s Cafe today! It was at someone’s house and not the church this time, but that was still fine. There was a new guy there, Alex — he’s from the Point and I think he’s a friend of Miles’ — and Leichelle came too! We talked about race as a social or biological construct, and that wasn’t as offensive as it could have been, so that’s a win. And then a lot about US politics. Miles brought it up, when we were trying to avoid the issue, but I think it was probably a good thing, since the election is so soon and this is the last opportunity we have to talk about it. God, I need this goddamn election to be over. Our election season was a year ago, and it lasted seventy days. And that was considered insanely long by our (reasonable, human) standards. I hate America. We also talked about Canadian politics a bit, which was a nice change of pace.

I finally watched Justice League: War. It was pretty good! I ship Batlantern now, I think. Also Halbarry is Good. And Diana was awesome, and so was Clark, and Shazam (I know he has a name I just can’t remember it right now) and Victor Stone. My brother watched it with me, mostly, so that was actually kind of nice. Also I put a new mattress on my bed — I’ve had it for a while, I just hadn’t put it on my bed yet. I’m excited to check it out.
bluegansey: harley quinn with a baseball bat across her shoulders and blowing bubblegum on a brown background (harley quinn brown)

I wish my wifi were on right now so I could angry tweet that this goddamn epub download from AO3 somehow didn’t include the entire first chapter, what the fuck. SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THIS. I have something else I could read, but I’m still mad. Though I guess if I were able to tweet that, I would also be able to just read the fic on AO3, so there’d be no point.

Anyway. I haven’t been out of my house in five days and I only just realized. I was going to go to the thrift store tomorrow so I could buy something nice to wear for my halloween party, but apparently I have therapy tomorrow, so. I’m not looking forward to it. I have nothing I want to discuss, except the one thing I feel like I need to talk about but I can’t talk about it and that’s part of the problem. I guess I could go to the thrift store after that. But there’s a strong possibility that I won’t be in a good mental state to do that.

I got some writing done! I didn’t get any yesterday because I was still so upset about the thing I saw on twitter, but today I just sat down and said that I had to because goddamn it, Snaibsel week is soon and I will not be sitting that out. I finally figured out what I’m doing for the free day — an AU prompt from here: you just smacked into me holding a prop and I totally just covered you in glitter I am so sorry. I’m thinking it’ll be a little longer than most of the others, though still not as long as the monster that the Hunter/Witch AU grew into. What even happened there, I don’t know. I wrote about 1k of it and it’s cute. They’re in high school and the school is doing an (unintentionally) gay Romeo and Juliet production. They’re crew — Zatanna is the props master and Artemis is makeup. I actually know a fair amount about theatre, since I’ve been doing it in some form or other my entire life. Last year I was crew on a semi-professional Christmas play and it was really fun. I’ve always wanted to do a theatre crew AU and this is my opportunity. I’m glad.

Janna came over today, as well, and we cleaned out the upstairs some more! Disaster zone. I got rid of a bunch of stuffed animals and dolls and it was emotional. And then she went out with my parents and they got drunk (not really drunk but still) and now she’s sleeping on the couch and probably wants me to go to bed so I’ll turn off the lights and stop typing. Unless she’s asleep. Who knows. I also read a bunch of fic today and finally said fuck it, I’ll public bookmark Jaytim and Jaydick fics on AO3. I don’t care anymore. Fucking @ me, I don’t give a fuck.

And I can’t believe I almost forgot this, but I also watched Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox. My brother was pestering me to watch it for like two weeks, and I finally got around to it. It was really good! I have a new appreciation for Barry Allen’s character, since I’ve never seen him before this (except for like five minutes total in YJ) and I didn’t know much about him. I actually ship Halbarry now even though that was absolutely tiny in the movie. And also the brief glimpses of Aqualad gave me life because I love him always. There were, of course, some awkward moments, and I had to get up and go into the kitchen and tell my mom the entire outline of the movie so far just so I could procrastinate going back. But overall it was really good! And I need to go to bed because I just realize I’m starving and I can’t eat anything right now.

bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)
 So I just wrote almost exactly 1k of another Snaibsel week prompt — Day 4: Dreams. It’s finished, I think — once it’s edited, of course. And it really needs editing. Since my wifi is off, and I was basing about half of it off of a canon scene, I had to just put [dialogue here] in a few spots, or just a wild guess as to what was actually said. But that’s checked off my list, apparently! Two fics basically done, one almost done, one very much planned and started. I still don’t know what I’m doing for free day or magic, and I have to figure out some details about the Halloween day, but I’m feeling optimistic. And also very happy about how my AO3 account stats will look after the week — seven femslash fics, one slash fic, one multi fic. I aspire to always have either more or equal numbers of femslash fics compared to slash or het ones. Also on the writing front: I finally retrieved Reaper Story off of the backup drive and put it on my usb, so I can… work on it. Or just reread what I already wrote since I have no plot to speak of. I love the characters of that story, a lot, but I don’t have a plot for them. It’s sad.

I was supposed to meet with my teacher today, but she couldn’t make it, which actually worked out well since Janna and Dedier (I do not know how to spell his name and I’m not checking on one of my parent’s phones) were here. They drove down from… Kelowna? Or Kamloops. I don’t remember which. I mean, they don’t know each other really, it was just because Janna can’t drive anymore and they were in the same general area. And they were here most of the day, and in the kitchen, which really cut into my fic reading. Not much fic, really, not enough to note — at some point I just sort of sat there like “why are there so few Jaydick fake dating fics and why can’t I find any fics that don’t squick me for this other pairing” and that was pretty much the end of it. Oh, I actually read one that I won't note because Trash Pairing/Trash Trope and also finally read this fic in my read-later. The second one was So Good -- the first one (which I actually read later, right before I started writing) was okay, but not that great.

Anyway, we all had a beef roast and roasted potatoes/sweet potatoes/carrots for dinner before Janna and dude-whose-name-I-can’t-spell left for wherever they’re each staying. And my entire family watched Arrested Development! The last episode of Season 1 and the first episode of Season 2. It’s a good show. And wow, I almost completely forgot, but I also watched Batman: Bad Blood. It was really good, and I loved Kate, oh my god. I really love her relationship with Dick, honestly. I also kinda like her/Dick/Luke as a platonic OT3. And goddamnit, DC, I’m trying really damn hard to not ship Bruce and Dick, but you’re making it really hard. I still don’t quite ship them, not fully, but. There’s some feelings there — that I Did Not Want, but hey, it happens.

bluegansey: harley quinn with a baseball bat across her shoulders and blowing bubblegum on a brown background (harley quinn brown)
 I honestly don’t know what I did today, it feels like a blur. My copy of Ahsoka finally got to the bookstore, so I picked it up (and got some bread and a pumpkin scone at the bakery) and started reading it. I really like it so far, I love my wife Ahsoka. I love her. And my fic definitely contradicts it, whoops. I sorta… forgot about the Mandalore stuff. I didn’t know about it when I wrote the chapter, but I learned about it before editing, so like… yeah. Idk how I’d have made it work, though, so maybe this is for the best.

Also made dinner, watched more of Watchmen (I’m two hours and eighteen minutes in now. Still well over an hour left) and read a bit of fic, I guess? There’s this one trope for this one pairing that I really wanted to read (I’d rather not say either) and I’d looked before with little success — which is like, a crime, honestly, because this pairing was MADE for this trope — and had sorta given up, but today I got an AO3 email from an account I’d subscribed to with the EXACT trope I was looking for! And last I heard, the person (I also follow them on tumblr) didn’t even ship that pairing romantically. I was really happy with that. I also went into the Watchmen — All Media Types AO3 tag and just browsed. Read a couple of Dan/Rorschach fics because I guess that’s the only pairing in Watchmen I really ship? I mean, I guess I sorta ship Dan/Laurie as well, but yeah. Idk. They were good, I’ll probably look for more Watchmen fics soon.

And I actually? Talked to people on tumblr? Talked to Rie about shipping discourse, and admitted which pairings I’ve been reading lately that I Didn’t Want To Admit To Liking (they’re the first person I’ve told about liking these pairings, even indirectly, I’ve been pretty careful not to use public bookmarks on AO3 or mention them on twitter) and yeah. And then someone I follow — tumblr user poefinn — who didn’t follow me, saw that on a post I’d reblogged from them I said that I hated the ocean, and then they followed me and messaged me with “hey want to talk about how scary and terrible the ocean is” and I was like “YEAH” and that was a 30-minute conversation. It was surprisingly fun! And I sort of got an adrenaline rush from briefly talking to two people at once. It was… so much.

Anyway. Also read issues 16-19 of Birds of Prey, but then it was all “this storyline picks up in Nightwing 45” and well, I can’t read that offline since I don’t HAVE it, so. I really liked what I did read, though — I really love Tim and Babs’ interactions. Also Dinahbabs is #real and I love it.

And I just wrote 700 words or so of Snaibsel fic? It’s for Snaibsel week — the prompt being Hurt/Comfort — and I think it counts as finished, actually. Except I’m actually not 100% on the definition of H/C? So idk if it’s the right trope. WHO KNOWS. It’s cute and fluffy. I also still need to finish the Hunter/Witch AU, but that one’s doing pretty well so far. And I also wrote 200 words of the soulmate AU that I also need to finish, which is going along… decently. I have some rewatching to do if I want to do this right, though. Also I wish I'd decided to go with classic soulmate AU tropes instead of fucking flowers, but at this point I'm sticking with it.

bluegansey: close-up of ahsoka tano looking down and to the left (ahsoka tano gray)
(this is from YESTERDAY and i forgot to upload it whOOPS)

So I actually got things done today, wow. I finally did that choir assignment for finding vocal range (only seventeen days late) and found out that I’m apparently an alto, which, I mean. I know I could be an alto, but I can sing really damn high if I’m warmed up and on a good day. Though, I didn’t warm up at all for the assignment, but that’s entirely my fault. I also sent the invitations for my Halloween party and uploaded a new chapter of Lights. And then I wrote 600 words of Lights 7! I’m not happy with it… like, at all… but it’s there, it’s editable, that’s progress.

My dad got home again, and now he’ll be here for ten days or so. It’s fine. Although, cool thing: he got me to come over to my neighbour’s house so I could get honey from beehives. Apparently they’re beekeepers? Which I did not know. It was really cool, I learned about bees and honey and stuff. They gave us some honey as well, and it’s really good. And honeycomb! Which no one has eaten yet, but I’d love to try it.

Also read some fic starting as soon as I got up, basically and I would add them but i have no time. So I yelled at my mom to turn on the wifi from the top of the stairs and just read them in bed. I also finished rereading this and also continued the reread of Ricochet that I started a while ago. And ugh. I… I like the series, overall. I do. But holy fucking hell, how fucking gross do these male characters need to be. Which male characters, you may ask. ALL OF THEM. Ryke, she’s not your fucking girlfriend and even if she was you’d be way out of your lane. Connor, Rose is not a fucking prize to be won and I don’t care how many times they debate and prove their equal intelligence, their relationship is built off of trying to one-up each other and win at all costs. It’s not fucking healthy for either of them. Lo hasn’t been around to do anything, but you know, enabling his addict girlfriend in the past is still gross. Am I probably too angry about this? Yeah. Is it at least 50% because the sex scenes in this series are just not as good as fanfic? Yes. Um, yeah, I’ll just cut myself off here.

Also started watching Watchmen — the Ultimate cut. I’m about an hour and a half in, and it’s good so far. Really close to the book and really good overall. Also I started on tumblr early and went on it again later. It’s a minor thing but I sort of wanted to note it.

bluegansey: close-up of ahsoka tano looking down and to the left (ahsoka tano gray)

 UGH I FORGOT TO POST THIS EARLIER AND I ONLY HAVE LIKE FIFTEEN MINUTES OF WIFI LEFT BECAUSE I GOT A TINY EXTENSION. ANYWAY. YESTERDAY'S.

I somehow added 1,185 words while editing Lights 3 — I think. The math doesn’t quite add up, but I have no idea how Scrivener counts added words. It’s over 6k now, which I didn’t expect, but I’m actually happy about. It has been way too long since I update it. I’m going to send it to beta tomorrow and I think I can probably get it up before the end of the week. It feels good to Achieve Things, honestly.

Sorta mostly okay day, I think? I didn’t go anywhere or really do anything, but that’s most days, basically. I did sorta lose my temper and freak out when my mom told me that I should do put an alert on my phone so I wouldn’t forget to meet with my teacher again, because I said that I couldn’t and she got mad at me for always knowing reasons why I can’t do something. I don’t know why I do that. It’s A Thing that I don’t want to deal with. Yet another thing. I sorta have a million layers of fucked up psychological issues and it’s annoying.

Anyway. Finished reading a Jaydick fic and it was pretty good, I guess, though the ending… wasn’t really my thing. Not to say it’s bad, but. I don’t like timeskips, so. It was good, generally, that’s the biggest thing. And I managed to read the whole thing on my Kobo, too. Also reread this fic and yeah. I sorta planned to skim it for the good parts, but it’s all good, so I just ended up reading the whole thing. And reread a fic for a pairing that I wouldn’t admit to not hating on my deathbed. I downloaded it to read offline, and I think I’m probably going to delete it off my computer tomorrow — that’s the level of shame here.

 

Also watched Batman vs Robin — the sequel to Batman and Son. It was pretty good. I really like Damian as a character, even if it hurt my entire soul whenever he insulted Dick. The plot was good, I guess, though plot in general isn’t my thing, so. I enjoyed the character interactions and wasn’t too distracted by the plot, and that’s what matters. There’s another sequel, I think, which I can’t remember offhand, but yeah. I’ll watch that at some point as well.

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bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)
Nicola

July 2017

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