bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)

 GOOD THINGS TODAY:

  • Star Wars Cards Against Humanity (with darthvcder on tumblr) which was SUPER FUN
  • Saw Lego Batman Movie again!!!!
  • Read a couple of good fics (Jaytim, Jaydick, another that I won't link bc it wasn't... good (well it was but it almost gave me a panic attack so... no))
  • Posted a new chapter of Lights! Which I forgot to crosspost here. Shit. I'll do that.
NOT SO GOOD THINGS TODAY:
  • My brother told me that he deleted most of the pictures I took in Japan off his phone. Because I didn't ask for them, apparently.
  • I found out that a writer I'd liked actually has some really shitty opinions (including, but not limited to: feminism is pointless, gay marriage is useless & gay people are sinners ("but I still respect them" okay susan), abortion is murder, Trump isn't that bad, Irish slavery was real, trans people don't exist, birth control is morally wrong, Muslims are terrorists, shipping slash is just "insane fangirls who think everything is gay", making characters not straight is DISRESPECTFUL TO THEIR STRAIGHT HISTORY, and more! It... really fucking hurt, because I kinda thought I could trust them, y'know? I just... I didn't expect it.
  • I wanted to go out for wings since I'm not going to be home on another Wednesday night until summer, but nah.
bluegansey: leia organa holding blaster and looking determined on a red background (leia organa red)

 I'm so SICK of whining about my life but like. My brain hates me I think.

Since it's Family Day tomorrow (today actually) it's a holiday Monday, so I'm going to school on Monday night and coming back on Thursday. We're also going to Pender during the week and I have to buy some food for that. And also I have to pack a sleeping bag, so that's... nice. I have a better backpack, though -- an actual outdoorsy one that won't kill my back hopefully. On the subject of school, I also did the notes for my essay and started it, but it's... slow going because I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to write about. I'll figure it out. Or not.

Also watched two episodes of Young Justice (Misplaced and Coldhearted) and started Image before I had to go do schoolwork. I've been reminded a lot today of my really severe problem with secondhand embarassment, so there's... that. Image is... not good for that. There's a reason I've never rewatched it despite the hilarious intro. I also read a couple fics I think?? These two EXTREME PAIN Jason and Bruce fics (I almost cried so that's. A lot) and like. A couple others. Man idk. Also a person messaged me on my discourse and I told them my main bc Why The Fuck Not Right? They haven't responded so. Yeah. Also I went for a walk with my mom and the dog and realized that I have a really severe problem with people going near traffic. It sends me into a panic and sometimes there's crying and I just. Can't deal with it. And yeah. I'm just going to sleep now??? I really have a lot to do tomorrow.

bluegansey: clarke griffin turned away on a green background (clarke griffin green)

 my life is SPIRALING but hey. i saw the lego batman movie. it was good, i liked it.

also went to a choir concert, realized i have a crush on a straight girl (i just LOVE THAT), ate way too many different trifles (they were so good and so bad for me) and continued rereading this and finished that timkon thing from yesterday and yeah. i didn't do ANYTHING i actually need to do. but i went through the longest dcu fics out of curiosity and livetweeted it, so there's that. also i was doing squats yesterday and my thighs hurt SO MUCH every time i sit down. and i'm just gonna... sleep now? yeah. wait i also signed up for this writing website and i'm gonna try to use it soon? maybe. i'll see if it works.

bluegansey: amy pond holding a book with a yellow background (amy pond yellow)

 There are... so many things that I actively need to do but I'm just not. I have to email back Issy and Heather and a few other people, I have an essay to choose a topic for and research and write, and I have to finish my IDS letter, and apparently now I have to figure out how to do "less screen time" whatever the fuck that means. And my room is still a disaster. And I just feel overwhelmed.

mental health stuff )

Uh, moving on. I'm reading this (cool timkon au thing), and also took a detour to reread this (very fucked up batlantern thing) because I was kinda bored and wanted a break from the timkon thing. I also reread these three fics at the naturopath because we had to wait forty minutes. As karma for being five minutes late I guess? And yeah. Idk. My brother was home sick from school, we watched a vine compilation that's like 40 minutes long, my dad brought home pizza for dinner and we watched the first (?) episode of Trailer Park Boys (which I made a joke about, and then hated. figures. I wanted to watch The Office anyway). And I spent a little while just now adding bookmarks to my new AO3 account. And I'm just gonna? Sleep now? I need sleep.

bluegansey: close-up of ahsoka tano looking down and to the left (ahsoka tano gray)

 holy christ i CANNOT get things done apparently i think my brain is just fried i literally did NOTHING useful today god

i watched young justice. and started rewatching batman vs robin. i did some more edits on a snaibsel week fic and it's basically ready to be posted once i do a few more characterization checks and edits. i read a few fics. i made a bunch of angry posts on my discourse blog. and i also had a conversation with someone (not to be too specific) and she said that she wasn't sure she wanted to message me (for Complex Reasons) but then remembered that i'd reblogged one Very Bad Ship to my sideblog and figured she could trust me, which i found utterly hilarious (i was laughing SO HARD like damn i've never been so glad of reblogging something before) and also rie messaged me about a post and i ended up telling them about what i ship in the batfam and it was cool. i watched some vine compilations and sw video memes with my brother. and DIDN'T get any schoolwork done because i'm a fucking moron apparently

edit: well i just went and wrote 493 words of lights which isn't big but i haven't worked on it in literally two whole months (since DECEMBER FIRST) so it's an achievement. of sorts. i'd keep going but i have a really bad headache and it's not fun

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)

 oh god i'm so tired and i have the Worst headache and i have so much i need to do but i'm just gonna make this entry bc there's a few things i want to remember from today

  1. set up new ao3 account, started the process of transferring bookmarks to it
  2. i mentioned the fact that batman has like ten kids during dinner, my mom was shocked, i mentioned robin, she said that "robin is batman's little buddy isn't he?" and then my brother tried to list them. he failed.
  3. Him: Dick... Dick Wayne! No. Dick-*points at me*
  4. Me: Grayson.
  5. Him: And then Tim - Wayne! No, wait-
  6. Me: *lists all of them*
  7. Him: *glaring*
  8. Before all of this, he logged me out of the computer because he thought I was at school. Even though I was here last night. I was in the middle of doing the AO3 bookmarks thing so I wasn't really happy.
  9. Callout discourse is kinda dying down I think? I'm less anxious about it.
  10. Therapy. For the first time in two months. It was okay but now I'm suddenly stressed again
  11. I'm trying to clear out my email so I can look at the schoolwork I need to do but it's so overwhelming even though it's like two assignments I just can't deal with it for some reason
that's all basically i just really need sleep now

bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)

 It's been so long since I did an entry whoops. I started at Island School! It was good, and bad, and kinda just A Lot. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. But a few things: I walked into a thorny bush so one leg and both my hands are covered in tiny cuts, I found out that I am Not In Shape At All (which. fuck), the water wasn't working so I didn't shower the whole time I was there and it was utterly disgusting, the heat wasn't working the first two nights so that was... fun, and yeah. I liked it but I'm also glad that I'm not going next week bc I have an essay to write and I'm also completely exhausted mentally.

I also started this inspiration forum thing today... all day today, and I just realized I didn't do the homework I was supposed to do, god fucking damn it. I went out for dinner and then shovelled the front path and then tried to catch up on emails and then I saw a callout post that was directed at some people that I follow and have talked to a few times which threw me into a pit of anxiety. I'm just so fucking sick of anti mentalities and I'm just so upset. ANYWAY. Inspirational thing was okay, I don't really know what to say about it.

I'm also reading Some Things. While I was away at Island School I was reading this series. It was... good, I guess... the first one is pretty great and the second one seems to be just "let's make Dick Grayson's life more and more awful in increasingly graphic and horrific ways" which is... I mean, it's certainly a specific interest. I did finish up to the current chapter (44) but I honestly?? Don't know if I want to keep reading??? All the rape scenes are just... so much... it's really kinda stressful to read. The plot is good it's just a lot. Idk man. After I finished that I started rereading this (which I'm almost finished yay) because I love it. Only up to the current chapter, again (19) but it's so good. Also I'm using this icon because I miss Doctor Who so much, my nostalgia is Through The Roof. I want to rewatch series 9 so bad. SO BAD.

bluegansey: peggy carter holding captain america's shield on a blue background (peggy carter blue)
 I feel like I'm really close to falling apart from stress but like. Not Quite Yet. I'm close but I still have day and a half to buy a whole bunch of stuff that I desperately need. Uh. That should have been improved but I couldn't find hiking boots today and my mom was out the whole day so I couldn't get anything else. I did walk back from the mall, so Exercise, but it wasn't much really? Idk. I've just felt kinda scattered and weird all day. I was gonna watch a movie (Batman: Under The Red Hood (rewatch)) but I just??? Couldn't focus on it for some reason. I did finally finish a fic I've had open for literally weeks (a Shadowhunters one. That would be why it took me so long, I can't really focus on non-DC or some Star Wars right now) and I started this fic (got like halfway through? ish? I'm right at the beginning of the love confession chapter according to the author's note). And downloaded a bunch of Eminem songs for my brother. I think that's... it? If I don't delve into current US Politics stuff because I don't want to think about that and start crying. Oh I also spent like an hour reading through someone's tag on kink positivity and being horrified by terrible people on the internet because??? I don't know??? i don't know her.
bluegansey: close-up of ahsoka tano looking down and to the left (ahsoka tano gray)

 I wasn't really going to post an entry today but like. Some things happened?

1. I got hypnotherapy. I don't know how I feel about it except that I can't figure out how to let my damn mind relax and actually just go with it. Also I fucking hate people telling me that I can control my thoughts. I just... I can't accept that as reality and I don't know why. Maybe just like... I have intrusive thoughts that are bad? And being told that "what anyone else thinks of you doesn't matter and has nothing to do with you, and you can always control how you think about something" just really rubs me the wrong way. Also the implied idea that I have to forgive everyone who's ever hurt me because it had nothing to do with me. I know that. Doesn't mean I want to forgive them. Also like??? I'm part of a demographic (bi women) who are at a higher risk than most to be abused, raped, and murdered... it just feels so condescending to act like what other people think of you just!!! Doesn't matter!!! And it feels grossly victim-blamey to say that if you break down after a traumatic event that it's your fault for not becoming a stronger person.

Uh. That's a rant that was meant to be like two sentences. Anyway.

2. I got some anons on my discourse blog. It felt nice. 3. I read this fic -- I started it last night, stayed up till 5am, and finished it this morning. It's amazing, perfect, A+. Also finished this fic that I'd been reading for a while and it's pretty good! Incomplete but good. Started this fic as well. And I changed my AO3 skin from the default to 'For the trees'. It's green and nice. 4. Had a bath. God it's so relaxing. 5. Also went to the eye doctor and didn't go to choir because I'm an idiot obviously. 6. Stressed about school. 7. We moved in the new freezer for good! No more freezer in the garage.

ETA: I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO LINK THIS FIC, WHICH I READ LAST NIGHT AND WHICH FUCKED ME UP SO SO SO BADLY. OH GOD. IT'S UTTERLY AMAZING.

busy busy

Jan. 23rd, 2017 03:02 pm
bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)
It’s almost one and I am… not tired in the slightest. Not sure why. Shit kinda got real today with the school thing. My mom was going over the packing list and while I found it kinda hilarious that a knife is part of the required materials (my dad dug out this knife of my brother’s that I used to play with all the time and I’m doing that again. It’s so fun to flip open and shut) I sorta started to realize that oh fuck, this is happening. In a week. Ohgodohgodohgod. It’s mildly terrifying.

Because of this of course I was stressed as hell all day and I ended up baking Christmas crack again and almost had a breakdown because I couldn’t get the sugar and butter to mix properly. And I managed to convince my mom to buy me gum despite having a complete ban on chew it — I just. Needed it so badly because I need to chew something and right now it’s the skin around my nails and it fucking hurts a lot. I miss gum so much. I want to find some sort of fidget toy to fill the void, but I’m not really hopeful. Also the grocery store didn’t have pomegranates but I managed to get bread. And underripe mangoes.

 

THIS GOT LONG )
bluegansey: (damian wayne blue)

Every time I think I’m actually going to work on my WIP, I get thrown off by something. Now it’s “so am I completely bastardizing canon with these trippy Force mind links” and I need to work on it when I’m not tired. Also I have so many things I need to rewatch for research? Rebels episodes — Call To Action (or whichever one ends with Kanan being captured, I don’t remember for sure) for action scene reference and A Princess On Lothal for era-appropriate Leia reference — and like. Possibly a few TCW episodes with Padme and Obi-Wan and Luminara and Ahsoka because I haven’t watched it in while and I need to remember their voices and also check their characterization. Really this is all because someone messaged me to continue the story. Which, I mean, it’s nice and all, but what would have been slightly nicer is if one person left a comment on the last chapter? There was one comment, but it wasn’t a real comment, and — ugh. It just Feels Bad. Like, if you want a story to update, maybe… I don’t know… make the author think you care if it updates? Because I was sort of thinking no one cared and I sorta still do even though I have concrete evidence otherwise.

Uh, anyway. I went to the naturopath again today and… yeah. I don’t know. She suggested hypnotheraphy and like, at this point, if it’ll help with my anxiety, I’ll try it. My mom also had a dentist’s appointment in the area so after we got pizza for lunch we went there and I waited (and there was a baby there. It was adorable) and after while she was paying the receptionist complimented my hair, which was nice. And then we went to the States and I had a minor breakdown about not being able to eat gum anymore. I am so close to ignoring the fact that I’m being slowly poisoned by aspartame and just. Buying more gum and chewing the whole pack before I get home. But that would be a really bad idea because I’d just crave it more. And… yeah. Also Shannon was there and he had a really nice shirt with horses on it. It was cool.

And then my back was killing me so I ended up just lying in bed with a heating pad and rereading a bunch of fics. I was sort of in a Batlantern phase (with these two) but I sorta just read whatever I could find in my bookmarks that looked fun to reread. And just before I did this entry I finished a reread of a fic that I started in October and finished adding notes. I think I got fairly creative with insults — like, I’m realizing that 90% of my internal dialogue is insults that I don’t mean and would never say to an actual person but this gives me an outlet and damn if it isn’t nice as hell. I feel so Good and I probably shouldn’t but still, it’s fun to get creative with insults. (The main reason I was adding insults is because it's about something Obviously Bad in real life and even if I enjoy reading it I still want to drag the main character because. Damn. That's so horrible.) And also because this is getting long: had a “family meeting” which dissolved into so much giggling and also I kept asking for a new kitten because my brother’s friend has a pregnant cat and damn I want a kitten. I know I already have a cat but more than one cat is better than one cat in pretty much every circumstance. Seriously.

bluegansey: allison argent laughing and smiling with a pink background (allison argent pink)

*throws up peace sign* today was SO GOOD on the writing front, y’all. SO GOOD. It’s been weeks since I’ve written basically anything and this morning I sat down and wrote 1.2k of a new novel idea. It has ghosts and cute queer romance with a happy ending. I’m so happy, y’all. And then — AND THEN — I worked on my school application. Wrote a biography for myself, and THEN I wrote a THREE POINT FOUR K ESSAY ABOUT ANTI-SHIPPING. I’m shook, y’all. I’m shook. And how did I say "y'all" three times in this paragraph? I have no idea.

I just had to write about a learning experience, and THIS HAPPENED. Holy fuck. The glossary section is almost 1k on its own. This essay is a monster. I am shook. Also I keep wanting to swear because I had to keep my language clean for the essay (or, well, no one said I had to but this is a school application so I’m erring on the side of caution) and I just finished writing and and yeah. I'll edit it tomorrow (today) and hopefully my mom will have the address I'm supposed to send it to.

Other things… other things. I watched Justice League vs Teen Titans — a Good Movie, imho. Still love Damian… love him a lot… love him. And I like Kori a little more than I did before, even if I still pretty much hate Dickkori… yeah. Sorry. I just can’t get behind it. Also was it my imagination or was the movie trying to push a romance between Raven and Damian? For the love of god, let them be friends and let Damian date Beast Boy. Seriously. Also I think I officially hate SuperWonder now and I don’t know why I suddenly hate het ships. When did this happen. I don’t even know.

I also made butterscotch pudding from a recipe online and it was good. And helped my mom make meatballs for dinner, and read a very interesting article about the killing of zoo animals in Denmark (the article has some fairly graphic images of dead and dissected animals, btw). And didn’t do much else? Yeah.

bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)

 Oh, god, I'm so tired I can barely see straight so this will be quick. I was out for like twelve hours today; it was the closing night for panto, and there were two shows. My mom had to be somewhere so she dropped me at a restaurant (within walking distance of the theatre) at eleven and I had lunch/breakfast. It was the first time in my life that I'd been to a sit-down restaurant by myself (fast food all the time, and one time at a Proper Restaurant with a bunch of other kids like two years ago) so I was... nervous, but it went fine. I just barely avoided responding "you too" when the waitress told me to enjoy my food, so that's a win. Although... I didn't really eat very well. I mean, I ate what I ordered, but I got to the point where food was nauseating halfway through eating so I slowed down a lot and it took probably an hour and a half. I was almost late (well, late-ish) getting to the theatre, which was pretty shocking. I, uh, don't know what happened, really -- there were mushrooms in it and I hate mushrooms? Mighta been that.

Panto went fine; a bit more improvising since it was closing night. I tried to put my book down and watch when I could; it was fun, I think. Both times. During the break between shows there was a secret santa gift exchange; I got this basket full of chocolates and no one took it from me so I didn't really do much. And then the crew got gifts -- Starbucks gift cards, a copy of the cast and crew photo, and a signed program. During the final show the crew (me, Lelaine, Alyssa and Morgan) went on stage for a bow and it was kind of a rush but also sad because. It's over. Sigh. I made a post about it too. And the after party was fun, I guess -- I was still in a not-food phase but I ate a bit of cake. And then... snapped my fork in half and sent the cake flying. It was really funny but mostly confusing. My mom ended up talking to the Stage Manager and the Producer (who are also married to each other and both women, which I felt creepy for paying attention to but I've never met married adult sapphics before? it was interesting and also kinda inspiring idk) and that was kinda cool.

I was reading as well -- various pairings, mostly this author, and one other with a Secret Pairing that ended up being mildly disturbing and had a sad ending, which -- WHY. Ugh. Also it didn't acknowledge the existence of lube and I'm annoyed because it's a fanfic cliche but I've only seen it once or twice so it ALWAYS throws me.

Uh... not much else, since I'm exhausted and haven't done much since I got home, but Leichelle is so nice also.

bluegansey: amy pond holding a book with a yellow background (amy pond yellow)

 I completely forgot to do an entry yesterday and I didn't actually think that was possible. Uh. Quick recap, then, since I have like an hour before I'm leaving for the whole rest of the day:

Still in Batlantern phase -- I was reading and rereading various fics by FabulaRasa. I've read quite a few of their fics, and I'm trying to read a few more now, since I generally like their writing -- I mean, the no warnings thing is a little weird to me, but I don't have any major triggers that regularly show up in fic, so I can pretty much forge ahead without being too worried.

I went grocery shopping with my mom, as well, and that was pretty fun -- I convinced her to buy bagels from Costco for the first time in probably forever, and I can't wait to eat one. I... love bagels and never eat them anymore. I also made a dijon chicken recipe which was pretty good but overall tasted a bit too strong (yes I'm very very white I know) and my brother ended up making chili but I had panto so I didn't eat any.

Panto! The Assistant Stage Manager wasn't there, so -- disaster. In a couple of scenes, I need to bring in a black curtain near the back, and in order to bring it in, there's a couple of set pieces that need to be out of the way. And no one seemed to know this. So I had to whisper-yell (I can't actually go anywhere because I'm on headset) and get people to MOVE THAT FUCKING TREE AND THE LOG so I could get it in place and get the other set pieces in place. During the first time we had a transition like that, I waited so long that I rushed to get in a wooden set piece and it... crashed. To the floor. Really loudly. And it was utterly terrifying and humiliating, especially since I literally got to the reds seconds before I was supposed to lift them. And I was shaking so much for probably ten minutes straight. Anyway... after that I got driven home by my neighbours, who were there for the show that night (I guess they actually saw me, since one of the actors asked me to go onstage and start the GoPro that put there to record the show, so I was actually onstage and I almost never am) and then I stayed up way too late because Stress.

bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)

 ...eh? I dunno, man. I had really bad back pain and cramps -- usually it's only the first day, but APPARENTLY I'M HAVING THE FIRST DAY TWICE. In not just that. I came downstairs and then went back upstairs to read with a heating pad and my cat. I also woke up at 6am, couldn't get back to sleep, and ended up just kinda reading for hours. I read... a lot today. Finished rereading this fic and got pretty far into this one -- I'm in a Batlantern phase again. I also reread this one (which is like. one of my favourite humorous fics ever. it's so fucking funny i just find it hysterical every time) and read this one for the first time because someone on tumblr linked it and I was like hey! Batlantern! While I'm in a Batlantern phase! It's a goddamn Christmas miracle!

Anyway. After chilling with my cat for a while (I took pictures!) I had choir so I Did That. It was fun and I was talking to Courtney for a lot of it. She was leaning on me and I was like "NO DON'T I'M IN BACK PAIN" and she showed me TMI (the books) memes that I remember seeing on Facebook in 2012. It was iconic. And then I walked home, painfully bc I forgot earbuds, and got Starbucks and my hands were SO COLD. Also this happened and I'm still mildly freaked out over it. And my brother was being Himself (which is to say, difficult. or, as I said to my mom earlier, "a little bitch") and I facetimed with my dad because I have a phone that can really Do That now. And I went through an entire ao3 ship tag and someone I follow remade and I sent them an ask for their new url (they gave it to me, it was cool) and??? That's pretty much it I think??? okay I'm starving I need to eat something and go to bed and save a bath for tomorrow. OH AND I ALSO WATCHED SWR SO I'M UP TO DATE JUST IN TIME FOR THE NEW EPISODE ON SATURDAY GOD IS GOOD. And I wrote this about my abuse and whoops I didn't mean to get that personal but Hey That's Just Life Buddy. And this happened. OKAY I'M DONE

bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)

 I think today was actually good? But. Memory. Who is she.

I read. A lot. Since I'm trying to not be on the computer, I read a lot of fic on my phone and then started reading the Grayson comics since my library has them for online viewing. I went to the mall -- my mom dropped me off and I got lunch and went home, basically. It was nice to walk, even if it was So Cold, Honestly, What The Fuck. And I didn't really do much else? Sigh.

bluegansey: allison argent laughing and smiling with a pink background (allison argent pink)

 Good-ish, bad-ish day? Mostly good right now, so that's something.

Panto matinee today, and it went fine basically? I didn't have to do flies so I read... a lot. Finished this Bluepulse fic, and my Hothouse Flower reread. Yet Another Problem I have with the series: the constant trend of abusive parents who get forgiven. Like, fuck... if your mother gets your boyfriend arrested for statutory rape -- when she had NO REASON to believe that he actually committed the crime -- you would have every right to not talk to her. And, you know, you also don't have to forgive your mother for destroying the lives of the people most important to you (different case) and you definitely don't have to forgive your father for being downright abusive for your whole life just because he loves you. Like, for fuck's sake.

Uh... anyway. A couple of the other Problematic Ship Blogs reblogged from my Problematic Ship Blog, so I went through them and reblogged e v e r y t h i n g I liked. Which took a Lot of time. And I also started reading this fic -- it's a post-apocalyptic Batfam AU. It's good! There's lots that's clearly inspired by Mad Max: Fury Road, which I appreciate. And my brother wanted fondue, so my family had cheese fondue for dinner. It was... something. Actually, the flavour was a little strong for me (probably too much wine, for me, and I don't like the taste of strong cheese) so I didn't... love it... but it wasn't bad either.

And just now I watched the Sense8 Christmas special! It was so great, I'm really happy. Nomanita is always so lovely to see, and Hernandito was also great. And fuck, I'm sad about what Lito's going through, but the scene with his mother... oh god, I almost cried. I'm so happy about that. I'm happy about most everything, actually. I might make an entry with more coherent thoughts in the morning.

ETA: I'm pretty sure I was also reading through the Death Of The Family comic storyline but I didn't write about it? Uh. So I think that was this day. I'm maybe a quarter of the way through it, or a bit less.
 

bluegansey: allison argent laughing and smiling with a pink background (allison argent pink)

 Also a pretty good day, despite being a little stressful! I'm glad.

My parents had a very small Christmas party tonight, and I had panto, so I was away for most of it. The cleaning was stressful, because my mom gets stressed and then angry while cleaning, but it went pretty much smoothly. I helped make this chili dip recipe we always use, and she made jelly meatballs that I don't like because it has chili sauce and I know it's not ketchup but it smells like ketchup so I can't eat it without feeling sick. Panto went pretty well, actually, though it was different -- the person who calls cues, who used to spend the duration of the show at a standing desk next to the fly rail, moved to the front of house, so I had to actually respond over headset when she gave me my cues. It went better than I expected, and didn't end up being super stressful -- the Assistant Stage Manager (ASM) was also on headset for a lot of it, so that took some of the stress out of it. And the show went smoothly, except for the ASM leaving on some backstage lights for a while after intermission and also one of the actors knocking a tree into a wall. And at the end, the director of the show brought the crew onstage to describe our jobs and stuff. Which was surprisingly okay and made me glad I wore my black-and-white cat sweater instead of the black hoodie I've usually been wearing.

By the time I got home, the party was mostly winding down, so I just took some cookies and eggnog (christ, that's most of what I ate today... I am just Not Hungry? I ate like one proper meal total) into the living room and continued reading this Bluepulse fic. It's really good so far, with some great emotional gut-punch moments. I started reading it at the panto, and I'm still reading it. Can't wait to see how it ends. I also read another cute fic just now that I can't link, but it was sweet Christmas fluff and I'm so happy about it. It made me smile so much. Also random side note but two different people asked me what I was reading on my kobo. The first one -- another crew at the panto, Alyssa -- asked what book it was, and I said it wasn't a book and then went oh shit and said that it was for school. And she pointed out that it was winter break and I forced a laugh and said that I'm online schooled. Which is not a lie, just very misleading. And then it was someone at the party, my neighbour, and she didn't ask for specifics, so I just said "A book" and she was all "ah, Nicola the Avid Reader. You've probably read that like three times already, right?" and I forced a laugh again. Ahaha.

And the Carrie Fisher thing. All I can say is that I really, really hope she's okay. 2016, you've already taken so much. Please.
 

bluegansey: amy pond holding a book with a yellow background (amy pond yellow)

Today was pretty decent? Actually. I finished this Jayroy fic in the morning, and the rest of the day was… pretty chill? I was mostly avoiding everyone while reading a different longfic (can’t link it) and hiding in my room. Which I basically never do. It’s just because I’m still kind of mad about yesterday and… yeah.

Zoe came over as well, and that was fun. Ace discourse can die in a fire, antis are ridiculous, and sexuality is weird and confusing is mostly what we talked about? And Rogue One memes. And how gay Draco Malfoy is… like. Buddy. You’re not subtle. And we talked about the TRC Jedi AU that we talked about months ago, and tonight I found the files and emailed the text to her because it’s actually… pretty interesting. I might actually write it. It would be long, so I have to wait until I’m done Lights, but I think I might. It’s a definite possibility.

Panto tonight. Not flies! Which actually makes it sort of… boring. Uh. I sorta feel like I never know what to do. But I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I spent most of it reading the aforementioned unlinkable fic. It’s really good, actually, and LONG, by fic standards — just over 100k. And it also almost made me cry but shh. It’s good. I’m still waiting for the actual Romance to Happen, and I’m 61% done — page 191 of 309 on my kobo — but there are. Uh. Good reasons for that. And the pining is nice and sweet. And the character development and introspection! Utterly gorgeous and wonderful. One of the best fics, objectively, that I’ve ever read. Ahh I just want to go read more? Yeah.

bluegansey: close-up of ahsoka tano looking down and to the left (ahsoka tano gray)

 Overall a pretty decent day, I think?

Matinee for panto today, and the first one I've done where I haven't been doing the flies. It was significantly more relaxing. I read a 20k fic and almost finished a way longer fic (finished it later at home) before Maria (regular flies person) asked if I could do the flies for the second half of the last act so she could leave early. I did, and it was fine. And it was pretty good.

My mom is sick, so dinner was a little bit of a disaster, but pretty good -- frittata and salad and I need to eat frittatas more, apparently I like them. And she said the wifi would be off at 11, but she went to bed at ten because she's sick and so :) I'm still on here. Small excuse: I'm trying to get through my backlog of fic update emails. During this Process, I read a handful of other fics in various tags, all unlinkable, and found a new squick! The opposite of good! Tbh, it's not a weird thing to be squicked by -- like, at all, honestly the idea of liking it is more than a little disturbing to me -- but it's been a while since I found a new one.

Ugh, this entry is a mess...? Anyway. I'm just gonna go to bed.

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bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)
Nicola

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