busy busy

Jan. 23rd, 2017 03:02 pm
bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)
It’s almost one and I am… not tired in the slightest. Not sure why. Shit kinda got real today with the school thing. My mom was going over the packing list and while I found it kinda hilarious that a knife is part of the required materials (my dad dug out this knife of my brother’s that I used to play with all the time and I’m doing that again. It’s so fun to flip open and shut) I sorta started to realize that oh fuck, this is happening. In a week. Ohgodohgodohgod. It’s mildly terrifying.

Because of this of course I was stressed as hell all day and I ended up baking Christmas crack again and almost had a breakdown because I couldn’t get the sugar and butter to mix properly. And I managed to convince my mom to buy me gum despite having a complete ban on chew it — I just. Needed it so badly because I need to chew something and right now it’s the skin around my nails and it fucking hurts a lot. I miss gum so much. I want to find some sort of fidget toy to fill the void, but I’m not really hopeful. Also the grocery store didn’t have pomegranates but I managed to get bread. And underripe mangoes.

 

THIS GOT LONG )
bluegansey: peggy carter holding captain america's shield on a blue background (peggy carter blue)

 So my stomach suddenly hurts like hell and I need to make this quick. My hands are shaking, I can't focus, it's awful.

I actually wanted to read books today, so I ended up going to the library around seven-ish. I got out some Tamora Pierce books and a trashy YA romance novel I read a few years ago (the Bad Boy Love Interest is named Damen. I know it's trashy. I accept it and hope it's not too heteronormative) and happened to see on a shelf. Before that I was just kinda... drifting... putting books on hold mostly and working on a the school application thing. I think it'll be done tomorrow, but my focus in general is kinda gone, so.

Still not writing down the numbers for tumblr; it's massively anxiety-inducing. I know that soon I have to stop using my queue, but that's a huge and terrifying step; I'm not quite there yet. Sometime. Also I'm reading stuff and can't link it. I can say that I started reading Grayson Vol 2 and it's pretty good. I really think I ship Dick and Midnighter now. Also I don't think I said so but yesterday I made new pinterest boards for two of my OCs -- Celia and Jared -- and a Social Justice board. So that's something.

bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)

 I think today was actually good? But. Memory. Who is she.

I read. A lot. Since I'm trying to not be on the computer, I read a lot of fic on my phone and then started reading the Grayson comics since my library has them for online viewing. I went to the mall -- my mom dropped me off and I got lunch and went home, basically. It was nice to walk, even if it was So Cold, Honestly, What The Fuck. And I didn't really do much else? Sigh.

bluegansey: amy pond holding a book with a yellow background (amy pond yellow)

 Actually writing this on time and earlier than usually, because Scrivener (where I usually do entries) keeps crashing and I need to restart my computer to see if that'll fix it. So my mom gave me Permission to write this now and then log out, watching a movie on the TV after. Or part of a movie -- we're all going to see Rogue One tomorrow, in the early afternoon, so I shouldn't stay up overly late.

I had a pretty decent day tbh? I tried to get through my backlog of emails (still from when I goddamn went offline for five days in the beginning of the month, jesus christ) and then planned to take transit to the mall for lunch, but my mom had to go there anyway (to exchange my christmas gift -- a hat, it didn't fit, how could a hat not fit? -- and to return something to Old Navy) so she drove me and we also got a gift for a Secret Santa exchange for the last day of the panto. It's not really a Secret Santa -- it's where you put in a gift and everyone takes one and you can steal other people's -- and I got a pretty pen with a constellation on it and a chocolate bar, both from Indigo. I got Greek for dinner and my mom got teriyaki chicken. And then she took me out for ice cream and asked me about the cuts she saw on my arm. I'm glad she did but it was pretty painful to talk about. Anyway I got cheesecake ice cream with Skor pieces and M&Ms.

After that I cut up and started eating a whole pomegranate -- well, two, I started one and it was bad so I threw it out and used the other one -- and ordered the Love Is Love DC Anthology from Amazon. Plus Princess Leia and Kanan: The Last Padawan so I could get free shipping... I spent $50 on comics and I don't regret a single thing. I could not find a decent comic shop anywhere near me, so that was irritating. Then as I was about to do this Tumblr Thingy, my dad came in and told me to get off the computer -- or, well, here's what happened. I'm still both confused and annoyed. Anyway. Also, uh, I think someone I'm mutuals with is vagueing about me and trying to build up the courage to talk to me. Like, I don't want to be self-centred, but I'm about 90% sure they're talking about me because they made two posts yesterday, one of which directly quoted something I'd said in tags earlier, and then today they said something about being nervous trying to message someone and said "#@********* this is about you" and... that's the same number of stars as letters in my URL. So I don't know. I kinda want to message them and say they shouldn't be nervous but also like... if they're not talking about me I could be making an idiot of myself. So idk. I'll see.

bluegansey: allison argent laughing and smiling with a pink background (allison argent pink)

 Good-ish, bad-ish day? Mostly good right now, so that's something.

Panto matinee today, and it went fine basically? I didn't have to do flies so I read... a lot. Finished this Bluepulse fic, and my Hothouse Flower reread. Yet Another Problem I have with the series: the constant trend of abusive parents who get forgiven. Like, fuck... if your mother gets your boyfriend arrested for statutory rape -- when she had NO REASON to believe that he actually committed the crime -- you would have every right to not talk to her. And, you know, you also don't have to forgive your mother for destroying the lives of the people most important to you (different case) and you definitely don't have to forgive your father for being downright abusive for your whole life just because he loves you. Like, for fuck's sake.

Uh... anyway. A couple of the other Problematic Ship Blogs reblogged from my Problematic Ship Blog, so I went through them and reblogged e v e r y t h i n g I liked. Which took a Lot of time. And I also started reading this fic -- it's a post-apocalyptic Batfam AU. It's good! There's lots that's clearly inspired by Mad Max: Fury Road, which I appreciate. And my brother wanted fondue, so my family had cheese fondue for dinner. It was... something. Actually, the flavour was a little strong for me (probably too much wine, for me, and I don't like the taste of strong cheese) so I didn't... love it... but it wasn't bad either.

And just now I watched the Sense8 Christmas special! It was so great, I'm really happy. Nomanita is always so lovely to see, and Hernandito was also great. And fuck, I'm sad about what Lito's going through, but the scene with his mother... oh god, I almost cried. I'm so happy about that. I'm happy about most everything, actually. I might make an entry with more coherent thoughts in the morning.

ETA: I'm pretty sure I was also reading through the Death Of The Family comic storyline but I didn't write about it? Uh. So I think that was this day. I'm maybe a quarter of the way through it, or a bit less.
 

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)

Choir concert today! It wasn’t just a choir concert, strictly speaking — all the various bands at the school played as well — but still. It went well. I don’t really know what more to say, but it did. Though I had an Issue (of course). I was planning on wearing my tights with a skirt, but they weren’t dry and needed to hang to dry, so I borrowed a pair that was too small. So they rode down with every single step I took, and it was massively uncomfortable unless I didn’t move too much and pulled them up as often as I could. I think I also tore some holes in them by pulling too hard. I also had to go to the concert by transit because my parents had to be somewhere tonight (my dad’s landmark forum completion) so I ended up having an eggnog latte at the mall.

Fic reading also happened! I’m slowly getting through a really long fic (it’s like… 200k+? I don’t remember the exact word count) and while I can’t link it because of the pairing, it’s okay so far. Some uncomfortable elements, but I could mostly ignore them… I’ll get into that in a minute. Also read a bunch of shorter and SFW fics I had bookmarked, because I had wifi at the mall/the school when we weren’t performing (I would have been watching the other bands on the TV but it was broken and no one could fix it) just to pass the time. And before I go into my Issue Of The Day, just now I started reading the Death Of The Family comic arc that I downloaded — just the first issue so far.

just me being bitter, what else is new )
bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)
Well, I was reading A Death In The Family, and just as Jason died, the song Haunt by Bastille came up on shuffle. Timing. I read a few other comics today, actually — The Cult, first, then A Death In The Family, and then I started reading Red Hood: The Lost Days but I think the version I downloaded is incomplete and since I don’t have wifi I can’t check, so I’m stopping for now. It’s nice to get back to reading comics; fic is good but I’m not really in the mood. Also I can't find anything I want to read and I don't feel like rereading.
 
Basically I did nothing today? Uh. I thought I had a call with my teacher, but it’s a stat holiday, so I didn’t. I walked Callie, and she kept running into the road for no reason; I feel like it’s personal, for some reason. I read some fics, just various… things… and make pesto/turkey/spinach quesadillas for dinner. And I also baked a cake and didn’t eat that much of it. I didn’t really want cake, I think.

My mom and brother were watching The Office (US) and I watched some of it with them — the second half of the first episode and the full second episode. It’s a pretty good show, I guess, even if it uses more cringe comedy than I’d personally prefer. My dad went away for work again and he’s back in Hamilton, Ontario. And I got my period and feel vaguely Weird and Bad, so that’s… fun.
bluegansey: peggy carter holding captain america's shield on a blue background (peggy carter blue)
 So I wrote an entire fic. I dunno, I just wanted to write femslash and Bluesey, so I wrote… femslash Bluesey. Idk. I also added in the canon dialogue in one of the Snaibsel week fics, and started writing the Halloween one — about 200 words. And I organized my fics for that week, and came to the realization that the first three days are all incomplete and I still don’t have anything for free day or magic day. I mean, I sorta have a fic for magic day, but I don’t think I’m going to use it… it’s the beginning of an explicit fic and I can’t write explicit. So unless I can somehow make it work, that’s not happening.

I also read comics! So many. Finally got around to reading The Hunt For Oracle (Birds of Prey/Nightwing) and it was SO GREAT. I am SO HAPPY that Babs and Dinah finally met. And I’m still Really Mad that they’re a rarepair… like wtf. How. I also read a little more of Birds of Prey (up to #26 I think) and I started reading the New 52 Nightwing Vol 2 — the court of owls one. I borrowed it from the library and it’s due back tomorrow (technically today) so right before midnight, I set the date on the iPad back one day and opened it up to read in case that won’t help. I was planning on reading it and then coming back here to do an entry, but my parents finally snapped over the whole sleep thing (I guess) and so I’ll read it in bed, I guess. Whatever, I don’t really care — this is my usual writing time, but I already wrote a ton today, so.

And the new Rebels episode! The Last Battle. Oh my GOD, the Clone Wars feelings are RUINING MY ENTIRE LIFE AND THE LOGO AT THE END MADE ME GODDAMN CRY. Rex. Rexxxxxxxxx. And the battle droids and Kalani and oh my GOD I cannot. It was so good. So good.

Also somehow Jaydick became my current main otp and I am near tears whenever I think about it. I went through someone’s entire Jaydick tag and I already shipped it but now… now I’m just highkey suffering ALL THE TIME. SOMEONE HELP ME. I had an idea to look for more fic — because high kudos, high comments or high wordcount returns either what I don’t want to read or what I’ve already read — which was to look for Friends to Lovers (pining doesn’t have enough results) but I didn’t have time and I also had a TRC OT5 fic open in my usual AO3 tag.

bluegansey: harley quinn with a baseball bat across her shoulders and blowing bubblegum on a brown background (harley quinn brown)
 I honestly don’t know what I did today, it feels like a blur. My copy of Ahsoka finally got to the bookstore, so I picked it up (and got some bread and a pumpkin scone at the bakery) and started reading it. I really like it so far, I love my wife Ahsoka. I love her. And my fic definitely contradicts it, whoops. I sorta… forgot about the Mandalore stuff. I didn’t know about it when I wrote the chapter, but I learned about it before editing, so like… yeah. Idk how I’d have made it work, though, so maybe this is for the best.

Also made dinner, watched more of Watchmen (I’m two hours and eighteen minutes in now. Still well over an hour left) and read a bit of fic, I guess? There’s this one trope for this one pairing that I really wanted to read (I’d rather not say either) and I’d looked before with little success — which is like, a crime, honestly, because this pairing was MADE for this trope — and had sorta given up, but today I got an AO3 email from an account I’d subscribed to with the EXACT trope I was looking for! And last I heard, the person (I also follow them on tumblr) didn’t even ship that pairing romantically. I was really happy with that. I also went into the Watchmen — All Media Types AO3 tag and just browsed. Read a couple of Dan/Rorschach fics because I guess that’s the only pairing in Watchmen I really ship? I mean, I guess I sorta ship Dan/Laurie as well, but yeah. Idk. They were good, I’ll probably look for more Watchmen fics soon.

And I actually? Talked to people on tumblr? Talked to Rie about shipping discourse, and admitted which pairings I’ve been reading lately that I Didn’t Want To Admit To Liking (they’re the first person I’ve told about liking these pairings, even indirectly, I’ve been pretty careful not to use public bookmarks on AO3 or mention them on twitter) and yeah. And then someone I follow — tumblr user poefinn — who didn’t follow me, saw that on a post I’d reblogged from them I said that I hated the ocean, and then they followed me and messaged me with “hey want to talk about how scary and terrible the ocean is” and I was like “YEAH” and that was a 30-minute conversation. It was surprisingly fun! And I sort of got an adrenaline rush from briefly talking to two people at once. It was… so much.

Anyway. Also read issues 16-19 of Birds of Prey, but then it was all “this storyline picks up in Nightwing 45” and well, I can’t read that offline since I don’t HAVE it, so. I really liked what I did read, though — I really love Tim and Babs’ interactions. Also Dinahbabs is #real and I love it.

And I just wrote 700 words or so of Snaibsel fic? It’s for Snaibsel week — the prompt being Hurt/Comfort — and I think it counts as finished, actually. Except I’m actually not 100% on the definition of H/C? So idk if it’s the right trope. WHO KNOWS. It’s cute and fluffy. I also still need to finish the Hunter/Witch AU, but that one’s doing pretty well so far. And I also wrote 200 words of the soulmate AU that I also need to finish, which is going along… decently. I have some rewatching to do if I want to do this right, though. Also I wish I'd decided to go with classic soulmate AU tropes instead of fucking flowers, but at this point I'm sticking with it.

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)
 I wouldn’t call today productive, but I did sorta do things, so sort of? Maybe.

I finished Watchmen! Finally. It was good. I’m going to watch the movie (the ultimate version… dun dun dun) at some point this week, I think. I also looked at the Headscratchers page on TVTropes and whoa, it’s a lot. I got through the entire section for the ending, so there’s that. Also read Nightwing Vol. 1 (the N52 version, idk, the one my library had). I think I borrowed it from my library a while ago and got a bit into it before stopping because fic is so much more interesting. I read fic as well, all rereads -- this Jaydick soulmate AU, this fic, and most of this fic.

Also went to A Thing tonight, and… uh. Okay. So I thought that it was a choir concert, because my mom was Unspecific when she was telling me about it, but it was actually a sort of… musical fundraiser thing? There were a bunch of tables around and a bunch of people sang a song or two each. And my mom’s friend from choir basically told me that I’m psychic and have angels. It was… interesting. To say the least. I don’t know if I really believe in… that… but I mean, I am empathetic. I always have been. So idk. It’s just a lot.

I also went on tumblr at, like, 5pm since I was going to be out all night, and it was Weird. But fine. And idk, I just need sleep now.

bluegansey: harley quinn with a baseball bat across her shoulders and blowing bubblegum on a brown background (harley quinn brown)
I, uh, meant to post this as soon as I got up this morning. But yeah. This is from yesterday.  

826 words of writing today! After mostly doing… nothing. For a while. But yeah. About 400 words on a Snaibsel week story — I’m pretty sure I won’t publish it, actually, because it’s… explicit. Or will be. If I can stop blushing long enough to actually get past the setup. I’m bad at smut. Really bad. But I wanted to try. Oh well, if nothing else it’ll be a fun experiment. The other 400 words were me trying to get unstuck in my epic fantasy novel, and I think it worked, though the scene ended up being both shorter and more awkward than I would have hoped for. Oh well. Edits exist for a reason.

I finally finished going through my damn video tag! I think it ended up at 44 pages — though I’d have to double-check that — and wow. It’s sorta a lot. I found some great videos that I’d forgotten while I was there — some older Thomas Sanders vines, this one video about a trust fall prank, etc. Pretty cool. On the topic of productive (ha) things, I finally checked my damn school email and found out my Socials 10 grade — 67%. At this point, I am just really glad it is over. And I realized yet another psychological thing I have! Because I find new ones every day, apparently. I cannot accept compliments or praise… basically ever. If people congratulate me for anything, I just feel awful and I don’t know why.

Anyway. Choir today, which was fine except for my sore throat and not having water. The teacher told us about this Whistler trip we might be going on if there’s enough interest, which sounds pretty exciting — it’s in May. Though there’s no food provided on the trip, so like, honestly. What the fuck. I don’t want to cook. But I guess I’ll have to. After that I had to transit home, and it had just started raining, so that was… fun. It’s still raining. A lot. Also watched TCW 3.19 and 3.20 — last two episodes in the Citadel arc — and they were fine. Reread this restaurant AU, which was… good, I guess, even though it has Brujay and I mostly hate that ship. It’s just a really good fic overall, so. And I read Birds of Prey 11-15. Pretty good, no real comments.

Oh, god, I cannot remember anything about my day. The internet thing is still in effect, which is why I’ll be posting this tomorrow, and that’s… okay. Still makes me really upset all the time. And reminded me of my trust issues, so. Yeah, I really do not trust my parents with my wellbeing at all, and that probably goes back to when they didn’t get me out of an abusive situation despite knowing everything about it and me begging them to get me out of it. And now I’m getting personal. So I’ll stop.

bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)
 Well, due to a new household rule that requires the internet to be shut off at 11pm, I’m writing this at just past 1am and going to post it in the morning. I’m, uh, not going to talk about the new rule thing because when it was decided, it made me more suicidal than I’d ever been in my life and I’m terrified of my own brain at this point, so. Yes, I am addicted to the internet. But it’s better than being constantly trapped in my own brain.

Went to my therapist today, and since my dad happened to be there, we spent the whole time talking about Family Issues! Which is great! Except for the fact that I wanted to talk about my touch issues and my parents were there the whole time and it ended up being about my internet addiction. And now I feel worse and way more suicidal than before, so. Didn’t exactly help anything at all. I’m pretty much playing into loopholes with the internet thing — my mom went to bed before 11:30, it’s past 1 and I’m still up. Was reading, mostly. I have a lot of comics downloaded, so that’ll probably be my new evening pastime. Just to prove a point, which no one cares about or even knows about.

Okay, I’ll just… not go there. Right now. Anyway, reread a Jaytim tattoo AU series (which I love, tbh) and this Bluepulse fic. Watched the first episode up today on the Great SW Rewatch — The Citadel — but didn’t have time for the others. The Citadel was good, I guess, but ya know. Fuck Tarkin, basically. I also stayed up late reading Birds of Prey! Issues 04-10. Some great stuff. Still really ship Dinahbabs, kinda ship Dickbabs a little. Maybe kinda ship all three of them. Dinah is amazing, I’m in love with her, same with Babs, it’s just all so great. I’m also working my way through Watchmen, but it’s pretty long. And kinda heavy, theme-wise.

I had some books that I’d ordered online to pick up at Indigo, so I went with my dad and brother since my brother was getting a haircut anyway. I’m not super excited about the books — Crooked Kingdom, which is fine, I guess, and Empire of Storms, which is apparently just Bad and also ToG is Full Of Discourse right now, so that’s not fun. Anyway, after that we went for out for sushi (or, well, a sushi place, I had tempura and beef teriyaki) and my mom was also out at a birthday party. Today is actually my dad’s birthday — or, yesterday — and that party was why we couldn’t celebrate it today. Yeah.

bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)

 I'm back into trying to actually read comics right now instead of like... just reading fic... and a few minutes ago I sort of went into a half-angry state of "why are there so many comics this is so confusing mY EYES ARE GOING TO FALL OUT OF MY HEAD FROM READING ALL OF THESE". I finished Batman and Robin (2011) volumes 2 & 3, so I'm finished all the ones I can access legally, and now I need to find out if there's any more, but... not right now. I'm too annoyed about how many damn comics exist in this world. I did like the series, though I didn't love it -- the plot was kinda boring to me, but I really loved Dick and Damian's dynamic.

I went to Zoe's today, we talked for about five hours (it's kinda weird to think that that's all we ever do? get together every month or so and just talk for 4/5/6 hours. it's really fun, but kinda weird to think about) about a million and one different topics. Ended up sorta reminiscing about the school we used to go to and then got to talking about my piano teacher, who was also my abuser, who also taught at that school. And remembered some really weird and actually fucked up things she did... like making a student cry in the middle of class, then talking to the whole class about what she thought were her issues while she wasn't in the room, AND THEN telling the class that we couldn't tell any teachers about it. Yeah. After that she wasn't allowed to teach without another teacher in the room with her, though apparently that didn't last until the next year (when I wasn't there). ANYWAY. Also talked about various writing projects, shipping discourse, my latest fic adventures, various novels, a bit about Rebels (though not the latest episode), Star Wars internet, various childhood stories, family members and relationships to them, bisexuality, creepy adult men, and more.

Not? Much else? Caught up on the Great SW Rewatch, with a political arc -- 3.10 Heroes on Both Sides, 3.11 Pursuit of Peace, 2.15 Senate Murders -- which was actually pretty fun. I love seeing Padmé in her element, and the plots weren't even boring! I always find plot boring, so that's a lot. I'm glad I caught up, even if it was past ten by the time I was done, because the next three days all have three episodes as well. I'm feeling pretty good about my ability to stay caught up.

Also had the odd realization that the fact that I'm staying up until 2-3am is actually a good sign for my mental health -- one of the most obvious of my depression symptoms is constant exhaustion, and the fact that I can stay awake that late every night feels promising. Also I think I've gotten over my weird food aversion? I made pumpkin muffins and ate them and it was fine. Though the leftover butter chicken still feels worrisome to me -- I think I might have a permanent issue with that particular brand, which is too bad. I did really like it. Anyway, my dad just got home from work (it's weird that he's working nights again, since he hasn't done that in forever, and I sorta had a heart attack when the front door opened) so I should probably go to bed.

bluegansey: amy pond holding a book with a yellow background (amy pond yellow)

Today was actually a really good day for TV watching. I watched the Great SW Rewatch episode up today (Lightsaber Lost), the new episode of Rebels, the first three episodes of The Good Place, and the first episode of B99 S4. The Good Place was really interesting -- it's about a woman who dies and goes to "the good place", except it was a mistake and she's actually a terrible person, so she has to learn to be good. It actually has pretty good representation (though I wish the gay couples, like, talked... in situations where the fact that they're a couple is obvious...) and I really like it so far. It's hilarious and also basically the afterlife that I hope for, even if I don't believe. Brooklyn Nine Nine was great: Ray and Jake are chillin' in Florida and it's boring and hilarious. Jake has blonde streaks in his hair. I'm really excited for the rest of the season. Also I watched it with my brother!

 

rebels spoilers )

I also finally sat down and read Red Hood and the Outlaws Vol 3: Death of the Family. It was really good, and also the first time I've read some characters outside of fanfics -- Damian, mostly, because I did see Tim once for a split second in Birds of Prey but this was my actual intro to his character. The last issue or so (maybe second to last? don't remember) in the collection was so goddamn emotional? Whichever one had Jason going around and talking to different Batfam members and going to his old bedroom and being emotional and stuff. I love emotional pain, honestly, it's so good. On that same note: I also started reading a fic in which Jason-as-Red-Hood shows up in the YJ S1 universe, and it's really damn good so far. It's here.

I actually felt, like, really relaxed today? I think it's because I feel a little bit better about Socials. I honestly just need to get the damn course done and then I'm clear until January or so. Tomorrow. Also: my parents went on a bike ride and I made more pinterest boards for my characters. I really like making boards, it's so fun. I want to make ones for other people's characters too, but like... when would I stop... what if I lost interest in the character... idk. I just don't know if I'd want to keep it going if I did that, but maybe I will. Who knows.

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)

 On the positive side of today: got my therapist appointment moved up a week, so I don't have to wait two weeks for it, read two comics (about nine issues, I think) and a fair amount of fic, picked up some packages and now I finally have my Ahsoka art print! The comics I read where RHatO Vol 2, which was better than the first one, I think -- Kori finally wore clothes! That were not basically a bikini! Although, to be fair, the bikini she wore in the first issue probably covered more than her usual outfit. The plot was pretty cool, it was nice to see more members of the Batfam and god, I really love Barbara Gordon (unsurprisingly). And I seriously love how the Outlaws are becoming a family! It's really nice.

The other comic -- which I read starting past midnight, which was a poor decision but I'm committed to it -- was the first three issues of Birds of Prey Vol 1. I spent a while downloading all the issues from the old DCU (basically just not the new 52. I think. Comics are confusing) while I watched TCW (on schedule with the rewatch, watched Trespass, Riyo is amazing) and Young Justice (I like it, I want to marathon the rest of the season, the last episode I watched had a great OH SHIT moment with Jaime). Birds of Prey is really good so far, and I want to read all of it, thought it's over 100 issues... so kind of a big commitment. I'll see where it goes, I guess.

On the fic side: Sith Leia, Groundhog Day Revenge of the Sith, explicit (for the first time in SO LONG, I'm very surprised at myself) RHatO. Though the last one was brought on by seeing a Joyfire fic in the tumblr tag and being mad that I couldn't reblog it because NSFW and not under a cut, so I got annoyed and browsed the tag on AO3 for a while until I found one that looked interesting and happened to also be explicit. I... really don't read explicit very often, and not since we moved the computer right next to huge window-doors, so. That was fun.

Oh, wow, this is getting long, I should wrap it up. Also went down to the States and picked up part of my Amazon order -- The Approaching Storm, Medstar II, and The Rise of the Empire omnibus. And my Ahsoka poster! My mom said I could hang it over my desk in the kitchen, so once I get a frame I'll do that. And misc... I'm going to see if I can convince my brother to watch Young Justice, because I'd love to watch some episodes) again and I wouldn't mind, like, talking about it to someone. And he seemed mildly interested when he was watching over my shoulder and eating watermelon. (I called him into the kitchen to see if he wanted any of what I had left, I'd cut up half and stored the other in the fridge, and his first reaction upon not seeing it was "YOU ATE THE ENTIRE WATERMELON?" Only half, buddy. Only half.)

On the negative side: I sort of lost it -- I mean, not explosively, I just got to a point where I needed to get the fuck out of my house, despite having only gotten back from the States an hour before -- and went to the mall, bought dinner when I wasn't even hungry, used up a $40 gift card (on three books, two of which are gay, so that's... okay, I guess), and bought fruit and bread at the marketplace and bakery, respectively. Also I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind because I never leave this fucking house, which is a rapid switch from "don't make me go anywhere" and I was there a few days ago. Oh, and I had a few minutes of excruciating back pain and almost threw up, which was... weird... I just went to the chiropractor for it and he said it was probably from sitting so much, which is fair but I was out for a lot of today and didn't just sit in one place.

bluegansey: harley quinn with a baseball bat across her shoulders and blowing bubblegum on a brown background (harley quinn brown)

 Went to the PNE today. Janna didn't end up coming, which I sort of... guessed would happen? I feel like after she her kids left, I wasn't going to see her again for a few months. This is the third or so time she was supposed to come over and didn't, so idk if my subconscious knows something or I just guessed well. Anyway, it was kind of boring -- not much to do -- but my mom's friend Lori, who I barely know, happened to be there that day and posted on FB about it, so we met up with her. There was a band that also danced, Superdogs, an exhibit about androids and aliens, and not much else. My dad, my brother and I went on a ride that spins around and pins you to the wall. It was very painful. We didn't spend any time in the marketplace even though my parents said we would and I got really upset and fell into a hole of misery, which sounds melodramatic but is actually just really scary. Because my brain is really scary when I get upset and I don't know what to do about it.

Not much else, since I was out all day... sort of started the Great SW Rewatch, but it was too late to finish TPM and putlocker kept glitching, so I have to put it off until tomorrow. Read some more DC comics -- I'm a couple issues into The Second Robin now. It's good so far and I really do like Jason, though I'm sort of wondering what happened to Dick? Like, did he just leave? Also, where is Barbara, I thought Batgirl: Year One was set before this comic, even though it was written later.

bluegansey: clarke griffin turned away on a green background (clarke griffin green)

 I was WAY too tired to do an entry yesterday, so short recap: wrote 1300 words, made a new TVTropes page for the Addicted Series (which took HOURS) and got ready for my parents to leave. Janna and Avalon are going to be staying with me and my brother on different days -- Janna & Co. tonight, not sure when Avalon will -- but we'll mostly be on our own.

Today my parents left for their various things -- a work conference for my mom, actual work for my dad. I looked at my Socials work for 0.2 seconds before panicking and reading comics. I finished Dark Victory, which was... okay... pretty good, I mean, once Robin showed up. I was literally about to give it up and move onto the next one when I looked at the DC Wiki page and saw that Dick Grayson showed up for the first time (in this continuity, I guess) in this series, and so I grudgingly pushed through. It's just so long and I don't care about the mob. Started Robin: Year One, which is... fine, I guess, though I dislike the art style. I'm only about twenty pages in so far, though, so I can't really comment on my thoughts on it.

Watched Kimmy Schmidt -- I have one episode left of season 2 -- and eagerly awaited comments on Lights 2. I only got one on the new chapter, and it was a nice comment, except for pointing out a flaw. I mean... I get it... it's concrit, it's not intended to be rude... but I still felt a little bad because it touched on something that I knew was illogical but it boiled down to "I need this character to be in this place so it has to happen this way". But yeah. Also read SO MUCH TVTROPES. A lot about the Batfam because I'm somehow Invested now despite knowing about two of the characters.

Also after Avalon took my dog for a walk, a few hours later she had blood all over her face, which was somewhat terrifying. It seems like a sore or something, and apparently Avalon's family's dog had something similar a while ago and she was walking our dog and hers at the same time, so that might be it. Or possibly from a wasp sting elsewhere that she was rubbing her face on. We don't know, but she's in a cone and we'll see how it is in the morning. Hopefully it's nothing.

bluegansey: peggy carter holding captain america's shield on a blue background (peggy carter blue)

 Today was mostly okay until it wasn't. I'm actually... pretty worried for my mental state right now... because it's really messed up. I think I described it as feeling like my brain is in molasses, and every time I try to do something it drags so slowly it feels like there's no point at all.

Read Obi-Wan & Anakin and livetweeted it. It was, technically, pretty good, but not really my thing. Also, I'm mad at Palpatine again, but also?? Mace and Obi-Wan???? They just let Palpy take Anakin -- a twelve-year-old -- on a random trip to Coruscant's inner city? I mean, they didn't know where they were going, but why would they let Anakin meet him at all? I know Mace resisted, but why didn't he seem to think that the request was creepy? Anyway, I don't know, I'm just annoyed. Also I could barely focus on that, so I can't focus on anything except B99 anymore! Good to know.

Sort of Mental Breakdown regarding my religion issues and my trust issues. Both of which are fucked up and complicated and make me upset to think about. I left the conversation with my mom feeling worse than I did before. Fucking hell, I just wanted her to tell me that I didn't have to do the thing that makes me miserable and intensely uncomfortable, and she was trying to tell me that I "decided" that I didn't like it. I'm just so upset and done and I don't know how to deal with this. Also got hit with how soon my birthday is and I Don't Want That. I want to just not ever move again. I made some posts about the Breakdown: here, here, and here. And I'll cut myself off because I need sleep and I'm pretty sure sleep is the only thing that will make me feel a bit better.

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)

 Today I was almost entirely alone! It was really nice. I read a fair amount -- finished the Kanan comics (sad face) and read Shattered Empire. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with Depa Billaba and Shara Bey. Such beautiful faces, such lovely personalities. Also Kes Dameron is very nice to look at. Also reread the first four chapters of Wake the Storm and livetweeted them. Also, comics livetweets: Kanan and Shattered Empire. And posted seflies! They're actually from June 25th, but meh. And ate watermelon for lunch. Wow, scrolling through my twitter to find these livetweet threads is really providing an accurate summary of my day.

Read a few posts about bad EU novels and I now want to read The Courtship of Princess Leia because it sounds hilariously bad. Also... kind of want to read every EU novel. I know I can't, there's too many and lots are terrible and I can't even find all the ones I want to read at this point. But the idea is still kind of appealing. I really do want to know about the post-ROTJ EU, since the person whose advice I've been relying on for comics and novels doesn't read anything post-ROTJ. So I don't know.

Made cookie dough, didn't eat too much of it, and went on my facebook and unliked every page I had liked. Which is mildly refreshing because, thank god, no one will see them anymore! So many embarrassing fandom pages. So. Many. But the Most Embarrassing thing -- my poetry from when I was 12 -- is still on there. So. Still worried. Somewhat. Also wrote a little bit of Bellarke and Clexa SW AU fic. It got to action and I think I actually wrote it (relatively) well! I'm Excited To See Where It Goes. Wrote 1.2k of that. Also tried to write a sex scene in another story, failed, I don't want to talk about it.

 

bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)

 My dad went away for work, and my mom's still on a choir trip, so once my brother left this morning, I had the house to myself! So, of course, I sang Fall Out Boy really loudly and had a bath. Wild.

I felt kind of weird for most of today -- that mood where you don't want to do anything at all. I ended up reading comics -- finished Clone Wars Omnibus 2, read all of Kanan: The Last Padawan, and read the first issue of Kanan: First Blood. Livetweet (very sporadic) here. Also watched ten minutes from the middle of Revenge of the Sith -- I was in the middle of it and need to finish it for Lights editing purposes, but I. Couldn't really focus. So I just read comics instead. Also I downloaded a bunch of comics -- Knight Errant, Lando, Chewbacca, Obi-Wan & Anakin, Shattered Empire, and Darth Maul: Son of Dathomir. I don't know if I'll end up reading all of them, but I will try! I love comics, honestly, they're really fun and sort of nice when I'm in a non-focusing kind of state, since I don't have to focus on a lot of text at once. Also, the Kanan comics made me Emotional About Kanan, This Poor Child, Someone Hug Him.

I had another piña colada smoothie -- they are so good, I'm in love -- and also had a bath just a little while ago! I only do it when I'm home alone, basically, which is a shame. Relaxing! But yeah. Also I just took my dog outside so she could... eat grass... and I think I saw lightning. The whole sky lit up, sort of. I think I've seen lightning before, but not recently and not very often -- it doesn't happen around here a lot.

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bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)
Nicola

July 2017

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