bluegansey: allison argent laughing and smiling with a pink background (allison argent pink)

 It's been wayyyy to long since I did an entry, whoops. This school week I was on Galiano! I wasn't super looking forward to it, because it was just about forest restoration and we had to sleep in tents, but. Well. The first day, it was snowing. REALLY HARD. So tents were out (though a couple of people slept in them anyway bc??? idk???) and that was okay. And then the forest restoration part was SUPER INTERESTING. The first day we built the borders of our plots (in groups of 4, I was with Mila, Sinead and Conner), the second day we mapped it and marked down the tree information, and the third day we did some calculations and chose which trees and how many trees to Mark For Death (if the conservancy gets money for it). It was really cool to learn about the health of forests and how forests can recover -- or not -- after being clearcut, and yeah. We also got to pull over a tree and it was AMAZING (even if Sinead and Conner did most of the pulling, which Mila shouted encouragement and I helped guide the course of the tree so it didn't get caught in another tree). I learned SO MUCH IT WAS SO GREAT.

The sleeping was... not so great. The first night was the worst night I'd had in a good long while, because my ground mat was TERRIBLE and NOT INFLATED PROPERLY so it hurt to much to sleep on either side. I ended up mostly sleeping on my stomach and my neck got FUCKED UP. And then the fire died in the night so I could see my breath in the air when I woke up for the final time in the morning. Also I hate sleeping bags to it was mostly unzipped (with my feet tucked in at the bottom) and so I was FREEZING in the morning. And then we had no water :) because it FROZE. The second night was... mildly better, since I told all the people sleeping by the fire (I was sleeping in an Indoor Tent) to add wood if they woke up, so it didn't go out, and I put a bunch of my clothes under the pathetic mattress to make it a little more comfortable. It wasn't great, but it could've been worse. Also Keith was talking about comics and I joined in on the conversation and we Bonded over comics. It was nice. Next week he's bringing Death Of The Family (since I haven't read all of it) and I'm bringing Princess Leia so we can swap and read. It's lit.

Other Galiano things... we're going to Pender next week but just for the day to judge a science fair. Probably walking involved. I'm dead. I talked about musical theatre camp with Mila and Sinead and now Mila might go this year :') and I made the Quote Wall FOUR TIMES! They were:

  • [in reference to the cherry trees in our plot] They're all dead. It's these goddamn Douglas Firs.
  • [after laughing at Sinead falling and then falling on my ass not 30 seconds later] That was karma. I can feel it.
  • [while discussing forests in texas] I thought Texas was just deserts and racism. (Mila added "the Bushes" as well so the quote will be attributed to both of us)
  • Also idk if it's going on the wall but I said it and Sinead wrote it down so... maybe?: Forever is just until the earth is swallowed by the sun.

Also Mila and I bonded more on the ferry rides. She told me she's pan, we bonded over Awkward Parents Re: Sexuality And Other Social Justice Things, we exchanged numbers (FINALLY) (also we were texting today) and yeah. It's cool.

Now onto actually today...

Went to the dentist and idk if they FIXED the problem I've been having for weeks but... hopefully? Maybe. On the way there I had a huge fight with my mom about supplements and how I can't take antidepressants because "people kill themselves when they take them" and yeah. That was fun. Then I had choir rehearsal which was fun but Leichelle wasn't there, meaning I was the only Whistler group soprano and I kept fucking up my part and it was super obvious. And then tonight there was a play at the local HS called The Ash Girl and it was really good, though some girls sitting next to me and my mom were talking for most of it (which is really fuckin disrespectful lol). I got a cupcake though so that was good (and also a creme egg from Staples of all places). And tonight I WROTE THINGS -- 13k so far! It's for a Really Bad Pairing (like.... so bad) and coincidentally enough, that same ship tag updated today for the first time since November. It was a fic, which was nice, but it had a pretty weird kink, which was... less than nice, though I read it anyway and it wasn't too bad. Anyway. I'll work on the fic a little more and go to bed.

bluegansey: clarke griffin turned away on a green background (clarke griffin green)

 my life is SPIRALING but hey. i saw the lego batman movie. it was good, i liked it.

also went to a choir concert, realized i have a crush on a straight girl (i just LOVE THAT), ate way too many different trifles (they were so good and so bad for me) and continued rereading this and finished that timkon thing from yesterday and yeah. i didn't do ANYTHING i actually need to do. but i went through the longest dcu fics out of curiosity and livetweeted it, so there's that. also i was doing squats yesterday and my thighs hurt SO MUCH every time i sit down. and i'm just gonna... sleep now? yeah. wait i also signed up for this writing website and i'm gonna try to use it soon? maybe. i'll see if it works.

bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)

 One the one hand, I have so much that I still need to do -- like, so much that I'm just Not Doing for no goddamn reason -- but on the other hand, I had a successful choir concert AND choir rehearsal today. So that was good. The concert (i guess performance would be a better word but my mind always goes straight to "concert" when i think about choir performances) was at an elementary school. I was supposed to walk over there but I think I was late (or something idk the timing was "at the end of first block" and i guess i didn't have the right time) so I just got driven straight there. Afterwards Leichelle invited me for lunch at the school but I needed to buy lunch and the school doesn't take debit. I went to the mall, got lunch, and then went to the library to try to finish my massive pile of schoolwork. It didn't work, unsurprisingly, since I only had an hour (I forgot about library computer's restrictions -- I thought I had an hour and a half), but I got a bit done and emailed it to my teacher, and she said it was fine that I wasn't finished the other stuff. Which is nice, I just have to take it to school next week -- which starts Tuesday since it's a long weekend and I go over on Monday. And I'll be missing choir :))) so great. Not great. God I don't even know. Anyway after that I had choir practice and that was fine. We used microphones, it was good.

I also listened to the musical Assassins, since this post came up on my dash and the song linked piqued my interest. I liked it -- I just bought it on iTunes so I can listen again and actually try to understand the plot. It's not escaped my notice that the only two musicals I've ever bought are about American history. I'M CANADIAN AND YET.

Uh, while procrastinating I also read A Lot of fic. Like a lot. I don't know exactly how much but it was a fair amount. And yeah idk I'm just kinda tired. I should go to bed since my parents are Both yelling at me to go to bed. IT'S NOT EVEN MIDNIGHT OH MY GOD.

bluegansey: harley quinn with a baseball bat across her shoulders and blowing bubblegum on a brown background (harley quinn brown)

 Well, I got into the school. Not a surprise, it's not even full, but now I still have to decide if I actually want to go. It's... it's a lot. I don't know. I posted about it, and someone replied, but neither thing really helped. My mom was on the phone with the main teacher and that was... that was fine. I just don't know anymore.

I had choir, which was... decent. Not great, I felt kind of awful, but Leichelle was standing behind me and putting little braids in my hair, so I think I'm a winner here. After choir my dad drove her and her brother to the mall so they could wait for a pickup, and that was... fun. And amusing. I dunno. I also read A Fair Amount of fic today -- bad pairings, no one's surprised at this point. Well, I finished this one Superbat one. It was cute. Although I felt like I didn't recognize Bruce as a character, but I think that's because Nolanverse Bruce is not actually him. But I digress.

I also had a really long conversation with my parents which basically went from "so have you decided if you're going to that school yet" to "that thing you're going to will CHANGE YOUR LIFE" to "I know probably way more gay guys than anyone you know" (my dad) "yeah, because they're all flight attendants. all of them" (my mom) (like, really? really? and then my dad was like "yeah there's even one or two I consider my friends. and also I once told one of them that if I were gay he'd be My Guy") Like... why. And this took place after midnight. And I'm so tired. Ah... I also watched some Young Justice -- like, four episodes? 1.08 Downtime to 1.12 Homefront so... five. Huh. My brother watched some of them with me which was Nice.

bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)

 ...eh? I dunno, man. I had really bad back pain and cramps -- usually it's only the first day, but APPARENTLY I'M HAVING THE FIRST DAY TWICE. In not just that. I came downstairs and then went back upstairs to read with a heating pad and my cat. I also woke up at 6am, couldn't get back to sleep, and ended up just kinda reading for hours. I read... a lot today. Finished rereading this fic and got pretty far into this one -- I'm in a Batlantern phase again. I also reread this one (which is like. one of my favourite humorous fics ever. it's so fucking funny i just find it hysterical every time) and read this one for the first time because someone on tumblr linked it and I was like hey! Batlantern! While I'm in a Batlantern phase! It's a goddamn Christmas miracle!

Anyway. After chilling with my cat for a while (I took pictures!) I had choir so I Did That. It was fun and I was talking to Courtney for a lot of it. She was leaning on me and I was like "NO DON'T I'M IN BACK PAIN" and she showed me TMI (the books) memes that I remember seeing on Facebook in 2012. It was iconic. And then I walked home, painfully bc I forgot earbuds, and got Starbucks and my hands were SO COLD. Also this happened and I'm still mildly freaked out over it. And my brother was being Himself (which is to say, difficult. or, as I said to my mom earlier, "a little bitch") and I facetimed with my dad because I have a phone that can really Do That now. And I went through an entire ao3 ship tag and someone I follow remade and I sent them an ask for their new url (they gave it to me, it was cool) and??? That's pretty much it I think??? okay I'm starving I need to eat something and go to bed and save a bath for tomorrow. OH AND I ALSO WATCHED SWR SO I'M UP TO DATE JUST IN TIME FOR THE NEW EPISODE ON SATURDAY GOD IS GOOD. And I wrote this about my abuse and whoops I didn't mean to get that personal but Hey That's Just Life Buddy. And this happened. OKAY I'M DONE

bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)

 Somehow I'm going to go five days, in my Actual House, without using the computer or my phone. I've loaded up my Kobo with a bunch of fic, and I am Ready. I also won't be on here, obviously, so... yeah.

Choir rehearsal today, and it was only 45 minutes for some reason, which is Good basically. My dad got Costco pizza for dinner, and I made it while he was out (from like four until six) and then it got cold, because I didn't realize how long he would be out. And then a panto rehearsal -- first full costume one, and it went... basically okay? Not bad, but not great either. I missed a few cues, as a result of not actually knowing any cues that I'm supposed to know somehow, but I'm getting a basic idea of it? Also I decided to chew gum beforehand and that was a mistake -- three/four hours of chewing turned it into slowly disintegrating plastic. We didn't have a garbage backstage yet, so in desperation I grabbed a tea bag and wrapped my gum in that and stuck it in my pocket. It sorta exploded all over the inside of my pocket, but at least I wasn't eating the disintegrating plastic anymore.

One of the reasons I'm doing this internet/computer thing now is because I'm going to an island to check out a school on Monday, except it might be Sunday now because I might be taking the ferry with a sort-of friend that happens to be coming from this area (she goes to that school) and staying the night. Which would definitely be An Experience, but I'm still sorta iffy on it... I mean, if I don't, I'll have to get up at 5am on Monday, but maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Who knows. Anyway, I should... log out. Since I'm Done for the rest of the week/five days.

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)

Choir concert today! It wasn’t just a choir concert, strictly speaking — all the various bands at the school played as well — but still. It went well. I don’t really know what more to say, but it did. Though I had an Issue (of course). I was planning on wearing my tights with a skirt, but they weren’t dry and needed to hang to dry, so I borrowed a pair that was too small. So they rode down with every single step I took, and it was massively uncomfortable unless I didn’t move too much and pulled them up as often as I could. I think I also tore some holes in them by pulling too hard. I also had to go to the concert by transit because my parents had to be somewhere tonight (my dad’s landmark forum completion) so I ended up having an eggnog latte at the mall.

Fic reading also happened! I’m slowly getting through a really long fic (it’s like… 200k+? I don’t remember the exact word count) and while I can’t link it because of the pairing, it’s okay so far. Some uncomfortable elements, but I could mostly ignore them… I’ll get into that in a minute. Also read a bunch of shorter and SFW fics I had bookmarked, because I had wifi at the mall/the school when we weren’t performing (I would have been watching the other bands on the TV but it was broken and no one could fix it) just to pass the time. And before I go into my Issue Of The Day, just now I started reading the Death Of The Family comic arc that I downloaded — just the first issue so far.

just me being bitter, what else is new )
bluegansey: close-up of ahsoka tano looking down and to the left (ahsoka tano gray)

 Today I basically just read a lot of fic? Sorta. I read through a few tags, etc, found a ship that I hadn't thought about with only a few works (seven, with six by one person. at least those six are all novel-length, i guess?) and started reading one of them. It's, uh. There are some weird stylistic things that are bothering me -- like how the author uses *asterisks* instead of italics, and uses them a lot. Like, so much, sometimes more than once per sentence. That is... excessive. And also there's this kind of vaguely disturbing plotline and concept, but I'm just gonna... keep reading and hope it doesn't get worse/creepier? And then decide whether I'll read the author's other fics.

Other than that, I made brownies and also went to my mom's choir's Christmas concert. It was nice, though I spent a lot of it wishing I could be reading this Superbat fic, which I started a reread of. It's such a good fic... iconic, tbh. I should... go to bed and read that but also I want to keep reading the fic I have open? The one I mentioned previously. Another weird stylistic thing -- there have been no scene breaks so far, and I'm probably a good 15k into the story. Like... it's a little weird? But yeah. It's also over 50k and in one chapter, so that's probably not the weirdest thing. Okay, I know I'm tired right now because of how I'm rambling, so I'll just cut myself off now.

bluegansey: amy pond holding a book with a yellow background (amy pond yellow)

 God, I am so exhausted... I was out basically all day and now it's just past 2am and... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Chiropractor in the morning, which was... fine, I got a worse headache than last time but it didn't last long, and my mom and I went out for sushi (well, tempura, teriyaki chicken and edamame, but it was at a sushi place) after. And I went straight from there to a choir concert at the school. It's a concert with all the various bands and stuff, and this was technically a rehearsal for our actual concert on Tuesday. It went fine, I guess; my brother was watching, which I didn't know beforehand, but it's not a big deal. And since we ran a bit late (something about bass guitars and cables) the last band to play didn't have any audience, except the choir, since most of us stayed in support.

After THAT, I went to a ballet performance that my neighbour was in. It was about three hours long, with the added factor of having to socialize with someone I haven't seen since I was... eleven-ish. And back then they identified as a girl. It's a sort of weird complicated situation; we were friends, and I knew from the start (literally on the first day of class) that they had been "born a boy but identifies a girl" and now I guess that's just? Not a thing anymore? And it's not like I begrudge him figuring out his identity and stuff, it just makes me feel like I don't know where I stand because I don't know him anymore! I dunno, man. I am honestly trying so hard to figure out if I'm being transphobic here, and I really hope not, because I really don't want to be, but I'm cis so of course I've internalized stuff. And ugh, I'll just move on.

I read a fic. It was marked with such tags as "everybody dies" and "everything hurts" and I read it anyway and now I'm... really fucking sad. Because I just wanted to read another fic in that series with a pairing I love, but now I know how they end up in that verse, and I don't want to ever think about it again because it fucking hurts. A lot. And not even in just the death way, there's additional fucked up elements other than the fact that it ends up over a century after the beginning of the story and literally everyone I care about dies within the story. Except the main character, because he's immortal! And it's the Worst Fucking Thing Ever! And I am just ranting now but I'm sad and upset that I spent like all day reading this fic and now I lowkey want to die because I've been hit with the inevitability of death and pointlessness of life. I read some other fic that mostly cheered me up but STILL. I need to sleep.

bluegansey: clarke griffin turned away on a green background (clarke griffin green)

I should be working on my WIP. I am not. Because I am a Disaster. Like today was. And, uh, this is really whiny I guess, but I was... really upset yesterday and had a really kind of fucked up day, so I'm still going to post it. For posterity.

God. I got up after a really decent amount of sleep — like, solid eight hours, all good — exhausted. Like, barely moving, too-tired-to-shower exhausted. And then my mom told me I should “get off the computer and rest” so I went back to my bedroom and read more of Addicted For Now (which I have. So many complaints about. But that’s for another time) and ended up feeling even more tired than before! Like, nearly-falling-asleep-whenever-I-sit-down exhausted! And then I went to fucking choir practice after not practicing all week like I was supposed to. And it was awful and tiring and I got sick halfway through and almost threw up. I had to not go to the panto rehearsal tonight, after I emailed that I would be there this morning, and then I had a really really bad stomach ache all evening.

Like, what the fuck? Why does god hate me? Literally what the fuck did I do to incur god’s wrath or what-the-fuck-ever. The only good/neutral things that happened today were reading an update (chapter 8) of this fic, an update (chapter 2) of this fic, reading a few other fics (including this one on my kobo after I went to bed), writing (700-ish words of a new concept, because I can’t work on my WIP right now), painting my nails red and green for Christmas month, and watching one episode of Supergirl — episode 5. I’m just going to go to bed now, even though it’s barely midnight, because I’m just. Tired. Of everything.

bluegansey: harley quinn with a baseball bat across her shoulders and blowing bubblegum on a brown background (harley quinn brown)

I keep feeling like I have nothing to say anymore in these entries, but eh, it’s whatever. I just want to sleep. I should write, but… I need to edit Lights 4 and I need wifi for that. And I feel kind of awful, mental-health wise, and… I should go to bed. Have a shower or whatever.

Choir rehearsal today, and it was… fine? I guess? My mom couldn’t drive me so I took transit and I thought I would be late, but I wasn’t. I had to walk back as well, so I stopped at the library to take out The Secret History and the mall for dinner and Starbucks. I started rereading this fic as well on the way. And I reread this fic later — just now, actually. And I spent like two hours going through the aesthetic blog for that series and feeling awful for the writer since she lost a ton of writing in that verse. And also for me because I want to read more of that fic, goddamn it. I guess for posterity it’s at six chapters now. And the ending of chapter 6 is wonderful and PAINFUL and I need more like I need air and whoops, cutting this off now.

I got out TSH because for some reason my mind was like ‘okay but Batfam TSH fusion’ and now I want to write that. I still have to figure out everyone’s roles — Tim is Henry, I think, but that’s the only one that’s been consistent, I think Jason is Richard and Damian is Bunny but still subject to change — and figure out how I’d write it without being the same as TSH word-for-word, but yeah. Maybe that can be my next project after Lights. If I ever finish it… I’m kidding, I will finish that story if it kills me, it just might be a while.

I’m also feeling kind of weird about school — earlier tonight my brain was like “hey you should just go back to school you’ll graduate from high school if you do that” and like, yeah, I will, but at what cost? I tweeted about it, probably more flippantly than I should have, but eh. I’ve been suicidal since I was eleven, I can joke about it if it makes me feel better. And then I suddenly remembered that the last time I shared a bed with someone, it was with my mom in Hamilton and she told me that I cuddle in my sleep. And that horrified me to the point where I damn near slept on the floor the next night. I don’t know why I don’t feel comfortable touching people and feel basically sick to my stomach when people hug me, but I feel like I need to figure it out because it’s an Issue and I don’t understand. Well, I have some sense of what it might stem from, but that’s an issue I’m not ever touching with a ten-foot pole.

bluegansey: clarke griffin turned away on a green background (clarke griffin green)

I… really need to go to bed because I need to be up in the morning and I’m also exhausted, so I’m cutting myself off halfway through a really cute fic. Which is annoying. I read so damn much fic today, just going through various tags and then authors. Mostly if not entirely Bad Pairings, so can’t say much about that. I guess I also finished a Batlantern fic as well? It feels like so long ago. It was pretty good, I guess.

Choir rehearsal today, and my mom had a Thing, so she dropped me at the mall a little while before and I just waited there. I got butter chicken, ate half of it before being attacked by nausea and being unable to finish, got an Orange Julius — triple berry — to test my theory that I got the wrong order yesterday. I did. Now I need to figure out what they gave me instead, because I think I liked that better than I like the Julius Original. I sort of had an anxiety attack while I was walking to choir, because school had just gotten out and there were so many people, so I called my mom and she helped with my breathing and I dealt with it. Only to realize that I didn’t know the song we spent the first hour working on. I legitimately thought that I must have missed a rehearsal at some point — other than the 30-min one last week, which I skipped because we’d just had a performance and it wasn’t mandatory — because it was a really confusing piece of music, with separate parts (not, like, soprano or alto — like, groupings) and the teacher Did Not Explain Anything. I sort of got it, eventually, but… yeah. That was hard.

My brother had Cadets, and my mom went out at the same time, so I had lots of Alone Time to read fic. Which probably says… a lot… about me… that that’s what I do when I’m home alone… but whatever. I almost threw up eating a cinnamon roll — I went to the mall bakery after choir while I waited for my mom to pick me up — and I’m really worried about my health, sort of? I feel sick whatever I eat. If it’s not better by tomorrow I think I have a problem.

bluegansey: leia organa holding blaster and looking determined on a red background (leia organa red)
It’s just past midnight and I am exhausted, oh my god. I got up before eight today, because I had a choir concert. Or, well, the remembrance day assembly that we sang at. There were two ceremonies, and we had to stand through most of it, and it was really tiring. And painful, since my shoes were Not built for that. But overall it was pretty much fine, and I talked to Leichelle a bit between the ceremonies and after. She broke up with her boyfriend, I guess I should add? Also she asked me for three dollars so I gave her the last of my change. She asked if I wanted to have lunch with her and her friends, but my mom was there already, so I didn’t.

My mom and I were sort of on the verge of arguing all day (and there was one weird moment) but avoided another fight like yesterday’s, so that was a success, I guess. We went to Triple O’s — I really love their burgers for some reason — and Lee Valley. And then a bit later, after I reread this fic, my parents went out and I had a long shower and had the evening to myself. Mostly good! I didn’t actually spend a lot of time online today, but I cleared out my tumblr drafts a little. So that’s good.
 
I did a bit of writing! It was about 1k of a new story for [redacted ship]. I’m annoyed that it’s the only ship I’m consistently writing right now, especially since I REALLY need to get back to working on Lights, but I guess it’s still words? And words are good.
bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)
I didn’t expect this to happen, honestly, but Productivity today! After a solid week of having absolutely no ideas for Snaibsel Week Day 6 — Magic, I sat down and wrote almost a whole fic. It’s 2,763 words right now, and I just wrote it all, so I’m a little tired. It has almost nothing to do with the prompt, but to be fair, it was a pretty loose prompt. So.
 
Also had choir today. It was a rehearsal for the Remembrance Day Concert, so we ran through everything we’ll be doing. One song was an utter disaster and the teacher told us that we sounded terrible. So it was really bad. We made some progress, I think, but. Disaster. That song is so difficult because the notes are not intuitive at all, and every part is different, and there's no consistency at all and no one knows their parts. We also got our first Christmas song, Carol of the Bells. Which I love, but most choirs start working on Christmas music in like… September. And we only have three rehearsals left until our concert. So that’s annoying. Also apparently I am going to Whistler! There are about 11 of us going, and apparently after Christmas we’ll start meeting for extra time after regular choir practices. I’m excited.
 
I also published a fic — and forgot it on here, damn it, I’ll do it tomorrow — and read some fics: this Jayroy one, this Dead Robins Club one and a couple of unlinkable ones. I am in a Fic Mood again, and I sorta browsed a lot of fic for a Bad Pairing that I can’t admit to. And I started a new blog purely for Problematic Ships And Content and I’ll start filling it up soon. VAGUE EXCITEMENT. Who knows, it might be fun.
 
Also had lunch at the mall — had to walk home from choir — and TWICE I ordered something, got misheard, and had to get the wrong thing because I was too embarrassed to correct it. I ordered a 7-Up with my butter chicken, and got a (possibly Diet) Pepsi. I don’t like Pepsi. At least that means I didn’t drink a whole pop, I guess. And then at Starbucks I ordered a Peppermint Mocha Frappucino and got a Mocha. Which was fine but boring. And I’m Annoyed.
bluegansey: amy pond holding a book with a yellow background (amy pond yellow)
(whoops this is so late again, from yesterday)
Less writing today — maybe 600 words, scattered across a few Snaibsel week bits — though that might be expected, after 4.5k yesterday. I’m growing more and more frustrated with the lack of internet; I had to stop working on one story because I needed to check DC wiki, and then stopped in the next one I tried to work on for a similar reason. I could probably continue the second one, but it’s the Halloween one and I have to remember all the members of the Team and also figure out their Halloween costumes. So far I have Artemis (Han Solo), Zatanna (Princess Leia), Nightwing (Superman), Beast Boy (Harry Potter), M’gann (Hermione), Aqualad (Cowboy), Red Arrow (Vampire), Batgirl and Robin (both EU Jedi), Superboy (Batman), Impulse and Blue Beetle (crayons, my creativity started wearing off around here) and Wonder Girl (Elle Woods). Sigh. I need to find some inspiration on that front. I also did some editing, of the H/C and Dreams fics. Both are pretty much ready to go. If only I could get the first one done…

Fic reading as well! Read this really great fic — it was so great, honestly, I loved the worldbuilding and I will leave a complex and in-depth comment soon — and a couple of shorter ones. I’m suddenly getting Obianidala feelings again and it’s nice.

Also had choir today, and it was… something. I had to go at 1pm, since there were parent-teacher conferences today, and it was only supposed to go until 1:40, though it ran a bit over. Apparently there’s a performance on Halloween? I am confused about that. Anyway, I went to the mall first — since my dad had to drop off my mom somewhere and it was easiest for him to drive me there earlier — and my only actual meal today was there, and it was Greek food, and since I ordered something new (the platter as opposed to salad) and didn’t love it, I didn’t finish eating. I also was going to take transit home, but I realized that I’d lost my card and had to call my dad for a ride.

Also stress about my party is starting to get to my parents, I think, and idk how I feel about that because like… they seem to think the house is a DISASTER, but it’s really not? There’s some stuff around, sure, but most of it is in boxes and we have the entire upstairs for storage since the party’s going to stay downstairs. And I’m still annoyed that I was lying on the couch with really painful hunger cramps and my dad called me into the kitchen just to “put stuff away” and he kept looking for things for me to do and then acting like I was being unreasonable when I asked if I could not do this right that very second since I was in a lot of pain. “Well, what if you’re in pain on Saturday?” It’s not into emergency time, and it’s not fucking Saturday, and I wanted to lie down and not have to remember that I hadn’t eaten because almost everything I can eat makes me feel sick. It’s… not good. Also I cashed some cheques — finally, I’ve been paid for working — and went to Save-On and got some gummy bears. And Kraft Dinner, since I’ve never had it.
bluegansey: clarke griffin turned away on a green background (clarke griffin green)
 Wrote 1.7k today! Still working on the Snaibsel week Hunter/Witch fic. I think I’ve nailed down the plot and the end is in sight, but it’s still over 6k and that’s… a lot. It’ll be okay, I think, it’s just… a lot. And I’m so tired from doing that, it was all after 1am because I had to reread this Jaydick fic again -- SO GOOD. And I also read this Jaydick fic because that pairing is Taking Over My Life.

Choir today! It was good. And then Leichelle basically said I need to change the party back to Saturday, even though I changed it from that to Friday because she said it was better, and then like three people said they couldn’t go because of the date change, so. Idk why she needed to change it, but you know. I walked back all the way since my dad was picking up my mom from her transit (she can’t just walk, apparently) and got Starbucks and thought I saw Cat there but it was just someone else with her exact hair.

Also did a lot of pinterest stuff. I made new boards for two OC relationships: one f/f relationship from my epic fantasy novel, and one from my modern fantasy AU. It’s a poly relationship — f/m/m — and I wasn’t 100% sure I would do it, but like. I should! Poly relationships are important and fiction needs more of them. So that’s happening. I’m excited.

And I did a lot of, like, organizing. I went through the pictures (screenshots) on my desktop, filed them appropriately, organized my DC comics screenshot folder into different comic series, edited my “funny stuff” file into older and newer things — with tweet-generator tweets in their own file — and took out the fandom ones to file appropriately. I also changed up the picture I use all the time in Preview — if I’m opening lots of pictures at once and not all at the same time, it takes too long to wait for Preview to open in between each one, so I have a picture that can stay open while I look quickly at pictures. It was some Stucky ficrecs and it’s been that forever, I don’t remember why, but now it’s a DC crack thing about Alfred potentially Gone Girl-ing himself. I support that post. And I don't want to feel like I have to quickly cover it up, like I did with the Stucky post. So that's good. Other organizing: I went through my drafts and reblogged ten or so long posts that have been in there for probably months. I still have a lot — so many, oh my god — but it’s a start. And it wasn’t me, but my mom and dad started to sort the old DVDs that have been in the living room for a while — we took out the DVD holder when we took the desk out of my room. I didn’t get involved because my answer would be ‘keep everything’ and that’s not a useful attitude.


bluegansey: close-up of ahsoka tano looking down and to the left (ahsoka tano gray)
(this is from YESTERDAY and i forgot to upload it whOOPS)

So I actually got things done today, wow. I finally did that choir assignment for finding vocal range (only seventeen days late) and found out that I’m apparently an alto, which, I mean. I know I could be an alto, but I can sing really damn high if I’m warmed up and on a good day. Though, I didn’t warm up at all for the assignment, but that’s entirely my fault. I also sent the invitations for my Halloween party and uploaded a new chapter of Lights. And then I wrote 600 words of Lights 7! I’m not happy with it… like, at all… but it’s there, it’s editable, that’s progress.

My dad got home again, and now he’ll be here for ten days or so. It’s fine. Although, cool thing: he got me to come over to my neighbour’s house so I could get honey from beehives. Apparently they’re beekeepers? Which I did not know. It was really cool, I learned about bees and honey and stuff. They gave us some honey as well, and it’s really good. And honeycomb! Which no one has eaten yet, but I’d love to try it.

Also read some fic starting as soon as I got up, basically and I would add them but i have no time. So I yelled at my mom to turn on the wifi from the top of the stairs and just read them in bed. I also finished rereading this and also continued the reread of Ricochet that I started a while ago. And ugh. I… I like the series, overall. I do. But holy fucking hell, how fucking gross do these male characters need to be. Which male characters, you may ask. ALL OF THEM. Ryke, she’s not your fucking girlfriend and even if she was you’d be way out of your lane. Connor, Rose is not a fucking prize to be won and I don’t care how many times they debate and prove their equal intelligence, their relationship is built off of trying to one-up each other and win at all costs. It’s not fucking healthy for either of them. Lo hasn’t been around to do anything, but you know, enabling his addict girlfriend in the past is still gross. Am I probably too angry about this? Yeah. Is it at least 50% because the sex scenes in this series are just not as good as fanfic? Yes. Um, yeah, I’ll just cut myself off here.

Also started watching Watchmen — the Ultimate cut. I’m about an hour and a half in, and it’s good so far. Really close to the book and really good overall. Also I started on tumblr early and went on it again later. It’s a minor thing but I sort of wanted to note it.

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)
 I wouldn’t call today productive, but I did sorta do things, so sort of? Maybe.

I finished Watchmen! Finally. It was good. I’m going to watch the movie (the ultimate version… dun dun dun) at some point this week, I think. I also looked at the Headscratchers page on TVTropes and whoa, it’s a lot. I got through the entire section for the ending, so there’s that. Also read Nightwing Vol. 1 (the N52 version, idk, the one my library had). I think I borrowed it from my library a while ago and got a bit into it before stopping because fic is so much more interesting. I read fic as well, all rereads -- this Jaydick soulmate AU, this fic, and most of this fic.

Also went to A Thing tonight, and… uh. Okay. So I thought that it was a choir concert, because my mom was Unspecific when she was telling me about it, but it was actually a sort of… musical fundraiser thing? There were a bunch of tables around and a bunch of people sang a song or two each. And my mom’s friend from choir basically told me that I’m psychic and have angels. It was… interesting. To say the least. I don’t know if I really believe in… that… but I mean, I am empathetic. I always have been. So idk. It’s just a lot.

I also went on tumblr at, like, 5pm since I was going to be out all night, and it was Weird. But fine. And idk, I just need sleep now.

bluegansey: allison argent laughing and smiling with a pink background (allison argent pink)

 (written yesterday and only posting now because power outage! fun)

*weak laughter* okay so I somehow wrote 2.5k just now. After midnight. Of Lights. What the fuck. How am I being so productive. It’s insane. Both scenes from a Padmé and Vader plotline, in chapters 6 and 7. Damn, I’m excited. Beta notes are done so I’ll be going over Lights 3 tomorrow and — fingers crossed — maybe posting it. Or the day after. But either way, things are moving! I actually also wrote another thing, but it wasn’t a story, just sort of a reflection on how I’d personally do a Batfam movie. Basically describing the opening sequence. It was kinda fun, kinda embarrassing, but I’m glad I did it.

Other things! Last night I went to bed early because I couldn’t read the fics I wanted to and so what’s the point of staying awake? I had a shower and was in bed before one, which was kinda insane, and asleep pretty quickly. I did wake up at just past 2am, but that’s just how it is, I guess. I woke up for real at just past 8am, after a nightmare about losing my Duolingo streak, and then had the WHOLE MORNING to just read fic. God, my life is just DC fic right now, it’s insane. More than half of the bookmarks on the first bookmarks page on AO3 (about?? fifteen or sixteen) are from today/technically yesterday. The main one I read was this series, which was SO GOOD and has basically taken over my mind and soul. And most of the other fics were Jaytim, I guess I should add -- mostly short ones.

 

Had choir and got personally dragged for not submitting an assignment from two weeks ago, whoops. I mean, not personally, the teacher just read out a list of people needed submissions from. Which is kinda irritating, but you know. Teachers. The rehearsal was fine, except for the fact that in the middle I remembered suddenly that I’d barely eaten and then I almost passed out. I sorta felt sick and weird all day? There was literally nothing I wanted to eat in the house, so. I ended up going to the Greek place at the mall on my way home because I needed food desperately. And my mom made turkey noodle soup for dinner, which I don’t like, so that worked out fine.

Anyway. Kinda good day? Productive, at least.

 

bluegansey: harley quinn with a baseball bat across her shoulders and blowing bubblegum on a brown background (harley quinn brown)
I, uh, meant to post this as soon as I got up this morning. But yeah. This is from yesterday.  

826 words of writing today! After mostly doing… nothing. For a while. But yeah. About 400 words on a Snaibsel week story — I’m pretty sure I won’t publish it, actually, because it’s… explicit. Or will be. If I can stop blushing long enough to actually get past the setup. I’m bad at smut. Really bad. But I wanted to try. Oh well, if nothing else it’ll be a fun experiment. The other 400 words were me trying to get unstuck in my epic fantasy novel, and I think it worked, though the scene ended up being both shorter and more awkward than I would have hoped for. Oh well. Edits exist for a reason.

I finally finished going through my damn video tag! I think it ended up at 44 pages — though I’d have to double-check that — and wow. It’s sorta a lot. I found some great videos that I’d forgotten while I was there — some older Thomas Sanders vines, this one video about a trust fall prank, etc. Pretty cool. On the topic of productive (ha) things, I finally checked my damn school email and found out my Socials 10 grade — 67%. At this point, I am just really glad it is over. And I realized yet another psychological thing I have! Because I find new ones every day, apparently. I cannot accept compliments or praise… basically ever. If people congratulate me for anything, I just feel awful and I don’t know why.

Anyway. Choir today, which was fine except for my sore throat and not having water. The teacher told us about this Whistler trip we might be going on if there’s enough interest, which sounds pretty exciting — it’s in May. Though there’s no food provided on the trip, so like, honestly. What the fuck. I don’t want to cook. But I guess I’ll have to. After that I had to transit home, and it had just started raining, so that was… fun. It’s still raining. A lot. Also watched TCW 3.19 and 3.20 — last two episodes in the Citadel arc — and they were fine. Reread this restaurant AU, which was… good, I guess, even though it has Brujay and I mostly hate that ship. It’s just a really good fic overall, so. And I read Birds of Prey 11-15. Pretty good, no real comments.

Oh, god, I cannot remember anything about my day. The internet thing is still in effect, which is why I’ll be posting this tomorrow, and that’s… okay. Still makes me really upset all the time. And reminded me of my trust issues, so. Yeah, I really do not trust my parents with my wellbeing at all, and that probably goes back to when they didn’t get me out of an abusive situation despite knowing everything about it and me begging them to get me out of it. And now I’m getting personal. So I’ll stop.

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bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)
Nicola

July 2017

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