bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)
[personal profile] bluegansey

 I JUST REALLY NEEDED TO VENT AND NEEDED TO MAKE IT PUBLIC. SORRY IN ADVANCE. and i formatted this for tumblr so that's why there's no punctuation, apologies

so i’m back from camping and. well. i’m just going to list every factor to me being upset in some way right now:
  • my injured foot is shockingly even more hurt after hiking upwards of 10k (i don’t actually know how long the hike was, just that it took six hours. someone said it was 17k but i don’t actually know)
  • i don’t react well to being drugged, but i’m pretty sure it got me through the last stretch of the hike, at the cost of being really off balance and almost falling on slippery rocks several times
  • the whole hike was in pouring rain and most of my things are still wet
  • including :) my phone :) it was in the outside pocket of my backpack and now is in a bag of rice to try and get the water stains out of the screen (at least the power button is working now, a little over a day later, it wasn’t at first)
  • on this same hike, my knife somehow ended up in the same pocket as my kobo and now the screen is even more scratched
  • my anxiety got the better of me in a Situation. there’s these two guys who used to go to my school last semester, and i’ve never met them. they showed up at our campsite. a little probing of others revealed that i am literally the only person at my school who doesn’t already know them. and i kinda. just sat down at a table and didn’t move and prayed to every fucking god that they thought that i was a non-high schooler (next to impossible) or, i guess, a parent volunteer??? somehow??? (slightly more possible) which might have worked, because they didn’t approach me even when literally everyone else in my school +them were twenty feet away from me.
  • and then my teacher saw that i wasn’t eating and i said that it was because i poured too much salsa on my burrito and she was like “oh, callum or cianan will eat it” and i was just like “no it’s fine” and she was like “no it’s cool i can just call them over here right now” and then i just started eating the food again and when they looked like they might drift in my direction i grabbed my water bottle and went to “fill it up” and called my mom and talked to her about nothing for twenty minutes until they left.
  • then i decided a while later to tell mils what happened. i was like “you know that anxiety thing where you think something is no big deal but then it becomes imminent and you’re suddenly paralyzed by anxiety?” and they were like “example?” and i was like “i haven’t met the twins yet” and they SCREAMED and freaked out and i was just like “DON’T TELL ANYONE” and they were just like “nicola oh my god!!! nicola why!!!” and i just. died.
  • and then i told quynn (or maybe it was earlier, idk) and she was like “why would you be nervous? cianan and cannibal callum are the nicest people i know” which. sigh.
  • haven't showered in four days and it HURTS. A LOT.
  • conner asked mils if i'm gay. I. DON'T. FUCKING. UNDERSTAND. like i don't CARE if he thinks i'm gay but??? why ask mils??? why not ask me????? at least that means i'm at least a little bit obvious about not being straight.
  • next week is year-end trip and i don't fucking know what to do about it
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