Feb. 23rd, 2017

bluegansey: isabelle lightwood on a starry blue background (isabelle lightwood blue)

 This school week was... tiring. But actually really nice.

It was only the second week that I've actually been at Saturna all week, since there was the snow week and last week we were at Pender for two days, so I didn't really know what to expect. There was more "school" stuff than I expected, but it was pretty much fine -- and apparently it was an unusual amount, so there'll be less of it later. Leichelle and her younger brother and parents were visiting today; it was nice to see her, and show her around a little. Mila gave a tour of the Hollow and I got to see what the observation ridge looks like in daylight! And apparently there's a rotting deer body still by the pond. Which... yeah. Also! We had a "funeral" for the dead bird at the end of Dorianna's driveway. We put it in a cracker box and put it in a fire. We tried candles but it didn't really... work. There was glitter. We sang "Amazing Grace" but only the first verse because Sinead was the only one who knew the rest. Also on Monday some kids from a school in Victoria came for the day and we got to be leaders, which was fun. I was paired with Quynn and it was good. And I was on food and that went well also!

Besides that.... not much else, that was what I was doing, basically. I should go to bed.

bluegansey: padme amidala on a blue background (padme amidala blue)

 I've been feeling kind of melancholy all day, and even though I kind of got some things done -- moved my clothes from my old dresser to my new ones, took down a random newspaper article which has been on my wall for at least six or seven years, made jello, and took a huge chunk out of the process of transferring my ao3 bookmarks -- I still kinda feel. Tired. And lonely. And lost. I sorta realized that while I'm on Saturna I don't really feel like myself, because the two things that I feel define me -- fandom and writing -- are completely inaccessible while I'm there, and it's not a good feeling. It mostly feels empty and alone. And my mom was all "just get a new hobby" but??? I don't know what the hell else I'm supposed to do? I've defined myself as a writer for over a decade, and I'm only sixteen. It's a major part of my identity. I can't just "get a new hobby". And fandom literally saved my life and it's at least 50% of the reason that I keep going. I don't know what to do about it.

Other than that... I went out for wings with my parents because they were going to go out for coffee but I also wanted to get out of the house and they took me out for dinner instead. I'm trying to convince my dad to buy me Cards Against Humanity. And then my dad and I were talking about racism and I ended up explaining asexuality to him, so that was fun. And... not much else I think?


bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)

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