Jan. 26th, 2017

bluegansey: close-up of ahsoka tano looking down and to the left (ahsoka tano gray)

 I wasn't really going to post an entry today but like. Some things happened?

1. I got hypnotherapy. I don't know how I feel about it except that I can't figure out how to let my damn mind relax and actually just go with it. Also I fucking hate people telling me that I can control my thoughts. I just... I can't accept that as reality and I don't know why. Maybe just like... I have intrusive thoughts that are bad? And being told that "what anyone else thinks of you doesn't matter and has nothing to do with you, and you can always control how you think about something" just really rubs me the wrong way. Also the implied idea that I have to forgive everyone who's ever hurt me because it had nothing to do with me. I know that. Doesn't mean I want to forgive them. Also like??? I'm part of a demographic (bi women) who are at a higher risk than most to be abused, raped, and murdered... it just feels so condescending to act like what other people think of you just!!! Doesn't matter!!! And it feels grossly victim-blamey to say that if you break down after a traumatic event that it's your fault for not becoming a stronger person.

Uh. That's a rant that was meant to be like two sentences. Anyway.

2. I got some anons on my discourse blog. It felt nice. 3. I read this fic -- I started it last night, stayed up till 5am, and finished it this morning. It's amazing, perfect, A+. Also finished this fic that I'd been reading for a while and it's pretty good! Incomplete but good. Started this fic as well. And I changed my AO3 skin from the default to 'For the trees'. It's green and nice. 4. Had a bath. God it's so relaxing. 5. Also went to the eye doctor and didn't go to choir because I'm an idiot obviously. 6. Stressed about school. 7. We moved in the new freezer for good! No more freezer in the garage.

ETA: I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO LINK THIS FIC, WHICH I READ LAST NIGHT AND WHICH FUCKED ME UP SO SO SO BADLY. OH GOD. IT'S UTTERLY AMAZING.

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bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)
Nicola

July 2017

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