Jan. 8th, 2017

bluegansey: clara oswald looking at the sky in wonder (clara oswald black)

 Oh, god, I'm so tired I can barely see straight so this will be quick. I was out for like twelve hours today; it was the closing night for panto, and there were two shows. My mom had to be somewhere so she dropped me at a restaurant (within walking distance of the theatre) at eleven and I had lunch/breakfast. It was the first time in my life that I'd been to a sit-down restaurant by myself (fast food all the time, and one time at a Proper Restaurant with a bunch of other kids like two years ago) so I was... nervous, but it went fine. I just barely avoided responding "you too" when the waitress told me to enjoy my food, so that's a win. Although... I didn't really eat very well. I mean, I ate what I ordered, but I got to the point where food was nauseating halfway through eating so I slowed down a lot and it took probably an hour and a half. I was almost late (well, late-ish) getting to the theatre, which was pretty shocking. I, uh, don't know what happened, really -- there were mushrooms in it and I hate mushrooms? Mighta been that.

Panto went fine; a bit more improvising since it was closing night. I tried to put my book down and watch when I could; it was fun, I think. Both times. During the break between shows there was a secret santa gift exchange; I got this basket full of chocolates and no one took it from me so I didn't really do much. And then the crew got gifts -- Starbucks gift cards, a copy of the cast and crew photo, and a signed program. During the final show the crew (me, Lelaine, Alyssa and Morgan) went on stage for a bow and it was kind of a rush but also sad because. It's over. Sigh. I made a post about it too. And the after party was fun, I guess -- I was still in a not-food phase but I ate a bit of cake. And then... snapped my fork in half and sent the cake flying. It was really funny but mostly confusing. My mom ended up talking to the Stage Manager and the Producer (who are also married to each other and both women, which I felt creepy for paying attention to but I've never met married adult sapphics before? it was interesting and also kinda inspiring idk) and that was kinda cool.

I was reading as well -- various pairings, mostly this author, and one other with a Secret Pairing that ended up being mildly disturbing and had a sad ending, which -- WHY. Ugh. Also it didn't acknowledge the existence of lube and I'm annoyed because it's a fanfic cliche but I've only seen it once or twice so it ALWAYS throws me.

Uh... not much else, since I'm exhausted and haven't done much since I got home, but Leichelle is so nice also.

bluegansey: harley quinn with a baseball bat across her shoulders and blowing bubblegum on a brown background (harley quinn brown)

 I'm not entirely sure about anything today. I feel kinda vaguely tired and unfocused and like I have so much to do but I just... can't. I spent most of the day eating candy because the idea of eating real food made me feel sick (and then when I told my mom she told me it was all in my head. thanks mom) and two whole apples and like half a pomegranate -- I'm still working on it. I read some fic; an unlinkable one, and this amazing Young Justice fic. Seriously, it was so great. And... yeah. Not much else? I started reading another fic and then completely noped out when it used butter as lube (for the LOVE of GOD) and downloaded a bunch onto my kobo so I can read them later.

Okay, major thing: I RAN OUT OF SONGS ON SHUFFLE. For a lot of reasons, this happens... so rarely. It's been over a year, I think -- I think it was November of 2015 last time I shuffled my main playlist. And I usually listen to music by getting to a song, and adding a bunch of songs to play next that are visible from where that song is (idk how to explain it) but now I'm just. Shuffling. And letting it play. It's freeing, almost. And the first song that played this time was American by Lana Del Rey, for reference.

I also made the really difficult decision of stopping something that I've been doing for over a year -- writing down the numbers for tumblr. At the beginning of each day, I write out the number of posts (well, in the hundreds, not the thousands, unless I hit a new thousand) so I can tell how much I posted each day. And the number of posts in my queue, although at this point I only use a queue on one of my blogs. And I realize that I need to not do it anymore, because it's not a good or healthy routine. For several reasons. And christ, the anxiety is hitting me, but... I'll live. I think. I'll be okay.

I did some other things as well -- three different tagging games. And this happened. And... this, which was less than fun. And I had a bath. And I wanted to watch a movie -- Justice League vs Teen Titans, which I haven't seen -- but I couldn't. And idk man. I'm just gonna go to bed.


bluegansey: wonder woman with a hood over her head holding her lasso (Default)

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